News Archive - January 2005

1-27-2005

Net Enigma. Limping along.

Okay, I had to take even more drastic measures...relocating the home page for a couple days.

Even taking down the Paris Hilton video didn't help so, in order to limp through the last couple days till February, without getting the entire site to go down or having to pay some outrageous price for extra transfer, I'm offloading some bandwidth to Geocities. That means this is all you get till Monday night. But at that point you'll get your video back as well as the rest of the site.

Bad Feeling

Is it just me or does anyone else have a bad feeling about this election thing that's going on in Iraq this weekend? 

I have a very bad feeling about it.  First of all, I really doubt that many people are actually going to vote in some areas of the country.  Now Bush seems to think that's fine because they WANT to vote, and that's the important part.  They want to, they just can't. 

Well, that's fucking ridiculous.  I want a million dollars but I can't have it...does that mean that I'm rich because I can dream about having that money?  Can I tell that to everyone that I owe money to?

Bush...you are a fucking tool.

Anyway, yeah, I have a terrible feeling that only the Shiites are going to vote, there's going to be dead bodies everywhere from the bombs and snipers and even when it's over those that couldn't vote are just going to feel even more alienated.  Forcing this vote without the proper security is the second worse thing that's happened in Iraq.

The first being, of course, the fact that we're there.

1-26-2005

Net Enigma.  Holy bandwidth, Pornmongers!

I guess 40GB of monthly bandwidth isn't enough when you're hosting the Paris Hilton sex video.  You spank-happy horn-dogs have sucked up 90% of that total and here it is only the 26th.  What that means is that you like me!  You really, really like me!

Okay, probably not.  What it does mean is that I pulled the video till February then I'll re-link it till we hit about 70% bandwidth for the month.  At that point I'm taking it down permanently so stop back on 2/1 if that's what you're looking for. 

1-25-2005

Net Enigma.  Saddle up.

Looks like the State Department is going to double the bounty on bin Laden's head.  I'm thinking for that kind of scratch I'd be willing to go live in the mountains outside Pakistan in hopes of catching the turbaned one. 

Who's with me?  I'll supply the guns and ammo, you bring the camping gear.

Oscar time

That's right, by the time you all are reading this the Oscar's nominations will have been announce.  I don't have my hopes up for any movie that I enjoyed in 2004 being nominated for anything.  Well, maybe something for a technical award of some kind...but other than that, eh.

I would like to see Jamie Foxx win Best Actor for Ray, however.  That would be sweet.  The rest, well, I'm sure I'll have comments on that after they read the list.

1-24-2005

Net Enigma.  A man after my own heart.

Kevin writes poetry.  Kevin plays RPG's.  Kevin is a computer major.  But none of that matters.  What does matter is that Kevin knows a sweet, sweet ass when he sees one.

Snow

We got some.  Well over a foot but the wind has been blowing so hard I couldn't really tell you exactly how much we got.  But it did snow for at least 24 hours straight and that is pretty fuckin' impressive. 

Had to dig the car out yesterday so that I wouldn't have to do it before work today.  And you know the lazy bitches that are contracted to plow my complex didn't do shit. 

Oh, and a heads-up for those of you that may be from southern California but are now living in upstate NY; IT'S FUCKING COLD IN THE WINTER!  And I'm not talking 50 degrees on the beach in January cold, I'm talking about minus 20 wind chill cold.

I was out digging the car out and the broad that lives next door to me comes out headed for the laundry room wearing a light sweater-thing with jeans on, sneakers and bear midriff.  Now, I'm not complaining too much because she's hot, but the look on her face when she came out the front door and found out how cold it was was priceless. 

Long time

It's been a long time since I wrote about a cheesy movie that I watched during the weekend.  Now, I'm not talking about the theatrical reviews I like to do, I'm talking about the patently terrible schlock that ties up TNT, SciFi and F/X during the 48 hour break we get from our work week.  The movies that originally started the "wheels of cheddar" rating for cheesiest movie.  Today I revisit this most noble of causes, telling you about movies you should avoid at all costs.

This weekend I wasted 2 hours of my time on a 2002 film called Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.  Staring Lucy Liu, Antonio Banderas, Ray Park and Gregg Henry, this film is supposed to be about a run-down FBI agent (Banderas) tracking down the kidnapped kid of a crime boss (Henry).  What it turns into is an over-blown mess of terrible action sequences tied together only by the fact that the same actors are in all the scenes.

There is no real plot, no direction, no substance and, in the end, no redeeming qualities.  Even watching Lucy Liu run around in tight leather for 2 hours isn't reason to watch this film...although I'll admit that's why I checked out.

If you have never seen this movie, don't waste your time.  If you have, feel free to email me as I'm thinking about a class action lawsuit charging pain and suffering.  I would rate this movie but no self-respecting cow would lend milk for the cheese.

1-13-2005

Net Enigma.  You best stay out my way bitch. Or you be dead.

Anyway, I figure it was inevitable.  Look at it this way, they have been married for 4 years and during that time Brad has been off doing movies.  Jennifer, for the first 3 years, was doing "Friends."  They probably got together for vacations, the odd weekend and holidays.  Couple days of hot sex, adventure and fun and everything is great.

Then "Friends" ended.  Now Jennifer is not working, probably following Brad from movie set to movie set, hanging around the house and maybe they just realized that they don't have anything in common.  Nothing.  It was just fun.  So, divorce.

Either that or Angelina Jolie has been sucking him off since they made  Mr. and Mrs. Smith together.

Question

Does anyone else find it interesting that education is one of the top things on Bush's mind going into his second term?  You know, the whole "no child left behind" program and whatnot.  Bush finds the lack of education in our children disturbing...sort of like most of the world finds his grasp of the English language. 

I think Mr. Bush maybe should have been left behind a couple grades...if you know what I'm sayin'.

WMD

Remember the WMD?  Guess we don't have to worry about that anymore.  Thanks a lot for the war, ya fuckin' chuckleheads.

1-12-2005

Net Enigma.  Too flabbergasted to invent a funny saying.

Michael Newdow, you are the epitome of everything I despise.  Everyone, look at the picture below, memorize his face and the next time you see him, kick his ass while screaming:

"GOD! What's the frequency, Michael? GOD, GOD, UNDER GOD!!!!!"

You will not only be a hero to American's everywhere but you will probably also get a question devoted to you in the future Trivial Pursuit 2000's Edition.

At this point you are probably asking yourself, "What the hell is he babbling about?" 

Well, I'll tell you.  Mr. Newdow is not satisfied with throwing "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance, he's now filing a lawsuit to stop President Bush from having a prayer read during his inauguration.

Michael, you have my personal invitation to get the hell out of my country.  I will even personally buy the plane ticket...one way to Iraq, non refundable.  Don't worry that your carry-on luggage looks like an IED, the over-sized garment bag resembling an RPG or the Ansar al-Islam logo on your jacket. 

Fish

Tuna, to be exact.  Solid, white Albacore tuna is the way to go for a Tuesday dinner when nothing else sounds good.  Mix with Miracle Whip, of course, add bread and butter pickles (from your favorite processed food vendor), Freihofer's bread and chow down.

What does this have to do with anything?  I just thought I'd share.

1-7-2005

Net Enigma.  Compared to you, other people have the IQ of a carrot.

Two examples today of why some people just need to be killed.

First up is this chucklehead Michael Newdow.  This Atheist sued over two years ago to have the phrase "under God" removed from the Pledge of Allegiance and won.  He claimed that he didn't want his daughter to have to recite it in school.  Only problem?  He doesn't have custody of his daughter.  The Supreme Court threw out the lawsuit because of that.

Now he's back with other families who actually have their children with them and he's going to make another run at it, I guess.  Unfortunately the other parents in the suit aren't named.  Apparently having their name attached to the case would have an "adverse impact" on their lives. 

Gee, you think?  Couldn't be that maybe this whole thing is just wrong to begin with and these other sheep recognize that?  Everyone, take a good look at Mr. Newdow.  If you see him on the street feel free to exercise your right at an American to kick his ass.

Next we have a piece of shit named Austin Aitken.  Austin watched an episode of "Fear Factor" where the contestants were challenged with eating rats.  Shithead Aitken "became dizzy and light-headed and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway."  He's now suing for $2.5 million dollars.  He even wrote up the four page lawsuit by hand which, in and of itself, is impressive when you consider today's lack of computers or manual typewriter technology. 

Before we go any further let's take a look at an intriguing part of that sentence; "when he ran away to his room."  Would that be his room in his mother's basement or his room at the psych ward? 

Next let's talk about a Mensa-worthy statement he made when being interviewed about the lawsuit by Reuters; "I am not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation."

Summing up: I'm a money grabbing leach on societies underbelly.

The obvious next step would be to detail the reasons this frivolous lawsuit does nothing but harm our judicial system  but why insult my reader's intelligence?

Instead I'm going to sue Mr. Aitken himself for $2.5 million dollars.  The distress and mental anguish I experienced by reading about his lawsuit caused my blood pressure to rise.  The 15 minutes I spent reading his story and then posting about it here is 15 minutes that I will never be able to regain.  And finally, I am personally dumber for having been exposed to Austin's stupidity. 

1-5-2005

Net Enigma.  Never underestimate the importance of casual sex.

As promised, the full Paris Hilton sex video.  Get it here (link removed due to bandwidth limits) or the Paris Hilton Video link on the menu has been updated.

Hall of Fame

Wade Boggs has made it into the Hall of Fame on his first ballot.  Boggs will enter the Hall, probably, wearing Boston Red Sox colors.  I'll remember him for playing with the Yanks for a couple years though.

1-4-2005

Net Enigma.  I came for the beer and the bitches.

Welcome to 2005.  I'm predicting that this year will have 365 days, you will all have a birthday, the FCC will dole out more fines, the BoSox will NOT repeat, the Cowboys will have a losing season and at least 2 TV shows I like will get cancelled.

I also predict some good comic book movies, at least one shitty Bruckheimer vehicle and probably something spat out by Michael Bay.  The final Star Wars movie will not suck.

I will spend to much money on frivolous items that I don't need, I won't win the Lotto.  I will drink beer, gawk at women and post porn for you.  And by this time next year I better finally find a fucking house that I like.

In other news

Big waves in South Asia.  Jerry Orbach died.  Insurgents lured police into a house and then blew up the whole block in Iraq.  Iraq elections this month (yeah, right).  The US is now "stingy." 

Updates

I added a link to Risawan's Blog in the Props section of the menu because it seems a lot of people have linked to her from here.  She's in the military and besides the normal blog crap, she has some interesting things to say about the world and life in general.  Check her out.

Coming tomorrow I'll be linking the full Paris Hilton sex video!  Had enough of the 3 minute teaser, now see the full feature in all its fellatios glory.

Resolutions

Did you make any resolutions this year?  I did. I made one; No fucking resolutions. 

I think I can stick to that.

Happy New Year