News Archive - January 2007

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1-31-2007

Smokin' Aces

"They're gonna pour boxes of bullets in his ass."

Jeremy Piven plays Buddy "Aces" Israel, a big time Vegas magician and small time gangster.  Not content to put on his show every day, Aces put together a crew and worked his way up the mob ranks, gaining the trust of one of the top bosses.  Now, he's busted and ready to turn states evidence.

All the boss wants for a million dollar bounty; Aces.  Dead.

Oh, and his heart.

Joe Carnahan wrote and directed this bloody and dark comedy and the cast has everyone from Ben Affleck as a bail bondsman, to Alicia Keys as a hit-woman to Ray Liotta and Ryan Reynolds as FBI agents.    One thing the hitmen and FBI agents all have in common, they're all a little psychotic.

Some of the best turns in the film come from Chris Pine as one of the psychotic Tremor brothers, Reynolds and Piven as the strung out target. 

On the surface the movie is basically what it's billed as; hitmen trying to kill someone, but there are some additional plot points that make the film much more than that and, ultimately, more enjoyable.  Even the expected "boxes of bullets" take some unique turns leading up to the end.

Piven plays Aces excellently, strung out on dope, booze and hookers.  He knows it's his last day as a free man, only he expects to disappear into witness protection and has no idea that anyone is trying to kill him.  He's selling everyone out including his closest friend, Ivy, played by Common.  Each betrayal and death is reflected in the bloodshot eyes of Aces.  I've seen Piven play quite a few characters but nothing like this, and he's brilliant.

The film has a good balance of action and plot advancing dialog.  You never get bored but you never get lost either.  The pacing of the film is quick but deliberate to keep all the various character threads heading in the same direction. 

The one exception is that of Hollis Elmore, played by Martin Henderson.  One of Jack Dupree's (Affleck) skip tracers, Elmore finds himself in a trailer recovering from his encounter with the Tremor brothers, played by Pine, Maury Sterling and a whacked out Kevin Durand.  Although he finds his way back to the hotel by the end of the film, his scenes are the only ones that don't seem to advance any part of the story.

Andy Garcia has a decent role as FBI Director Stanley Locke while some of the funnier cameos are by Jason Bateman and Matthew Fox.  Taraji Henson, Tommy Flanagan and Nestor Carbonell round out the list of hitmen after Aces and each pull off their character very well.

While not as gory as a Quentin Tarantino film, there's still plenty of blood to go around.  At times it's so over the top borders on funny.  And there are plenty of laughs in the film, just wait for Pine's Darwin Tremor to meet up with Affleck's Dupree.

I caught this film last Saturday as a matinee and it was worth the two hours.  I'll be picking this film up on DVD and I'm actually looking forward to seeing it again already.  I'll give this film 3.5 Wheels of Cheddar on the new 5 Wheel scale.  If you're looking for a place to hide out from the winter cold, hit the theater and see this film, I think you'll like it. 

1-30-2007

Vista

It's here!!!  Launch day for Windows Vista.  I have to get my disks ordered so I can star planning my upgrade.

Fed-Ex

Okay, now I, in no way, can be considered a fan of K-Fed's but this article bashing him for a commercial that's going to air during the Super Bowl is just piling on.

They're saying that the commercial, which shows him dreaming of being a rap star before showing that he really works in a fast food restaurant is "demeaning and unpleasant" to the nation's restaurant workers.

Fuck that.

Go find me one person working fast food that, as a kid, said, "Hey, dad, when I grow up I want to work at Burger King. And someday, if I'm really good, they might move me to the drive-up window."

I dare you.

Wait a minute.  Actually, If there are people out there that strive to work at BK then the thought of K-Fed working in the same field should make them happy.  Afterall, he's white trash that traded up for a taste of stardom. 

Still Lazy

No movie review for you!  Although I will leave you with some Alicia Keys hottness to tide you over.

1-29-2007

Lazy

I was a little lazy this weekend and I don't have a huge update today.  But, that just means we're building suspense till tomorrow when I post a review of Smokin' Aces which I did go and see this past weekend.

Unfortunately Aces didn't make it to the top of the box office, Epic Movie come in first.

1-26-2007

Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of

To wrap up a week of HBYNHO I bring you a 5'10" stunner named Summer Altice.  A college volleyball standout, Summer went on to be Playboy Playmate of the Month for August 2000 before turning to acting and modeling.

You may have seen her in small rolls in The Scorpion King, Wedding Crashers or Grind and on the small screen in "One Tree Hill."

Newsflash...

Tyra Banks is fat.

In other news, Tyra Banks is still hotter than your girlfriend will ever be.  Jealous bastards...

1-25-2007

Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of


The Brits knew what they were doing when they journeyed to the Far East in search of spices.  And nothing's spicier than India's Shazia Ali.

Shazia has popped up mostly on the small screen in shows like "V.I.P" and "The Loop" and in music videos for both Justin Timberlake and the Backstreet Boys. 

Her big screen credits include The Hot Chick and Grind.

I'm going to take a pass on the obvious puns those two movie titles bring to mind.  Instead I'm just going to point you in the direction of the photos...

1-24-2007

Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of


 

We've already been north of the border so this time we'll head south to find Sandra Ramírez. 

Born in LA, this hottie has spent most of her career in Mexico on various TV shows.  In the US you may have seen her in .com for Murder, Chasing Papi or even in a tiny roll on "The O.C." 

You'll also be able to see her in an upcoming Ben Stiller flick called The Heartbreak Kid due this year from the Farrelly brothers. 

If you can't wait that long for this spicy dish, check out the photos today!

Lame Duck?

Watch the State of the Union last night?  I did.  Sounded good on some points, lost me on Iraq.  Whatever.

His plans for health care, education and the environment sounded good if it doesn't get fucked up in the writing of the legislation.  Doing away with earmarks, sounds good, I'm all for that. 

I just wonder how we're going to pay for all of it.  I'd have to double-check but I believe I read where, at this point, it's the only time in history where we've been at war and had tax cuts.  That means we're paying for the war and all the other stuff by borrowing money.  Not good.  If the economy is really as strong as Bush thinks it is then maybe now's the time to pay a little extra in taxes.

Give us a break later on down the line when we're in an economic slump to get things started.  But I have a bad feeling about owing all this cash to China.

1-23-2007

Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of

Unlike yesterday's girl, Meghan, some of you may have heard of Lena Headey.  But, if you haven't, trust me, come March 9th when 300 drops into theaters you'll know her name.

Born in Bermuda and raised in the UK, this 33 year-old brunette was in The Brothers Grimm and The Cave.  Along with the upcoming 300 you may also be seeing her as Sarah Connor in the TV adaptation of the Terminator films titled "The Sarah Connor Chronicles" later this year.

Hot, tatted up and due to sex up theaters?  What's not to love?

MyTube

Warning, what you are about to read contains spoilers for several hot TV shows!

"24" blasted back onto the small screen last week and at the end of the 4 hour, 2 day debut we had a mushroom cloud over Los Angeles.  Come to find out, the most recent batch of terrorists have 4 more nukes and all they need to blow them up are a couple new detonators.

Now, that's bad enough but I have to ask; why target LA?  I mean, seriously, we could lose LA and it wouldn't really effect the rest of our lives.  It's not like we'd lose the financial district in NY, the Federal Government in Washington D.C. or even ports in Baltimore, Boston or Philly.  Hell, even Chicago, Detroit and New Orleans are arguably more important.  If LA went up tomorrow we'd lose, what, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton?  A small price, my friend, a small price.

The mind blowing shocker so far this season?  The shadowy character behind last season's presidential betrayal of the country is none other than Jack's brother!  I did not see that coming.

Last night was also the opener for the second part of the season for "Prison Break" and if it's one thing Michael and Linc can't get, it's a break.  They finally got their hands on the president's brother, the guy Linc was supposed to have killed, only to have defeat snatched from the jaws of victory when he blew his own brains out.  It was a great episode however there was not enough Sarah Wayne Callies.  Someone fix that, please.

"Heroes."  God I love this show.  Best new show of the season!  Anyway, we pick up two weeks after the fall finale only to find out that Hiro's powers are weakened, Claire's friends and family have no memory of the Sylar attack at the school and Peter is in a coma dreaming about blowing up NYC.

We even got to meet a new hero played by Christopher Eccleston.  No word if the TARDIS will play a role in saving New York.

Oscar

No, not the Grouch, the little golden statue that pays homage to movies.  Today we get announcements of the nominations for the 2007 Academy Awards.  Yawn...

I'm sure nobody I like will win let alone be nominated.  We'll see.

1-22-2007

Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of

It's winter and I don't know where you are but here it's cold as fuck.  To warm up I'm gonna post a week long HBYNHO feature with five girls you've probably seen before but have no idea who they are.

 

I'm kicking it off with a hot Canadian named Meghan Ory.

You may have seen this 24 year-old in John Tucker Must Die, "South Beach," "Higher Ground" or one of her guest appearances on "Smallville" or  "Dark Angel."

If Canada wants to export more hottness like Meghan, I think that's one part of NAFTA I can agree with.

MyTube

Word is "Veronica Mars" will be switching to single episode mysteries for the final 5 shows of the season, partly to make the show more accessible to new viewers.  Ironically the announcement compared it to procedural shows like "CSI" which, this season, has been starting to run multiple episode mysteries.

I don't think VM is unaccessible to new viewers.  I think it suffers from being on a network not everyone can watch due to the fact that cable companies, at least Time Warner, don't seem committed to broadcasting it.  Coupled with the fact that the network is not available on a lot (most?  Any?) satellite packages.

I'm still hoping for a fourth season...and that TW (Thieving bastards) will add the CW to my lineup given another 6 months.  Fuckers.

One nugget of good news, The CW network is now making most of its shows available via their web site.  It's too late to catch up on VM for the season, I'll wait for the DVD, but "Beauty and the Geek" is only two weeks in.  I still think they should have made the girls the geeks this time.

1-17-2007

Tip of the Week

Don't throw anything away.  Ever.

I had a can of canned air on my computer desk for blowing dust out of components and whatnot, and it had a plastic straw on it for getting into the nooks and crannies.  Anyway, it had been on my desk for a long time, probably too long by some standards, but it still have a little left in it.  The other day I finally used it up while bringing a computer online.  So, I tossed it.

Yesterday, not 3 days later, my mailbox lock is frozen solid.  I pulled out the can of lock deicer which had plenty of fluid in it but wasn't shooting into the lock.  Finally I tracked down a larger can of windshield defroster/lock deicer that I had.  Guess what?  No plastic straw.

I know!  The canned air had a straw.  Oh, wait...

Motherfuckersonofabitch!  I tore every drawer and storage box I could think of apart looking for something to attach to the friggin' lock deicer.  I finally found a can of brake cleaner in my shooting bag that had a straw on it.  Couple flicks of the knife to make it fit and I was in my mailbox in two squirts. 

Still, fucking straw.  Three days...if I'd kept it three more days.  Oh, and I hate winter!

1-11-2007

I Want a Cut

The US has spent and estimated $350 billion in Iraq up to this point.  What else could you get with that money?

I don't know about you but I'd take a slim $1 million off the top of that to, you know, settle some bills, buy a house and maybe do something productive here, in the US.

Don't Be Fooled

Wednesday night Bush tells us that 22,000 more troops will be sent into Iraq.  Yesterday Condoleezza Rice tried to fool a Congressional panel with a new word; Augmentation.

Well, I rocked my SAT English test and I can tell you that "augmentation" makes a good synonym for "escalation."  Don't let fancy words sputtering out of the mouths of the politicians fool you, sending 22,000 new troops to Iraq is an escalation of our war efforts.

You can sugar coat this mess with all the words you want but just like shit, no matter how you dress it up it's still shit.

Zero Tolerance

If you want to attend Lowell High School in Lowell, Massachusetts you better not be wearing anything brown, otherwise you might get sent home for being a member of the Brown Mafia.

Really?  I wonder what the school is going to do when the Color Wheel Coalition Gang shows up in town?

No word if students have to pull their damn pants up.

1-8-2007

Life on Mars!

And, well, we probably killed it.  According to that article our visit to Mars back in 1976 didn't bother to look for life that would have characteristics other than those we see in life on Earth.

The next mission to Mars should change that if scientists have their say in it.  No word yet if they'll search for organisms with acid for blood.

Streak's Over!

It was a streak that lasted 10 years, encompassed 207 games and finally came to an end Saturday night when the Caltech Beavers won a game.

Wait, WON a game?  (reads article again)

Holy, fuck!  They're 1-207 and hadn't won a game since 1996.  Worse, they have a losing streak in the Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference that's 22 years long.

I guess nerdy white guys really can't jump?

1-5-2007

Movies

There are some spectacular looking films coming this year that I'm looking forward to.  Obviously two of the most anticipated are Spider-Man 3 and the third installment of Pirates of the Caribbean.  I'm also looking forward to the Fantastic 4 sequel and 300 which is a story from Frank Miller.

There have even been a few recent trailers that look good including Smokin' Aces, Alpha Dog and Shooter.  Yes, I know that Justin Timberlake is in Alpha Dog but I want to see it anyway.

Some films that I don't particularly care to see, however, are the upcoming Ghost Rider film with Nick Cage.  I just can't seem to get excited about it. 

Oh, and there's this new movie I just saw a trailer for that looks to further prove Hollywood is out of ideas; Stomp the Yard.  I actually already saw the film when it was called You Got Served but this movie which has 100% less K-Fed is certain to be at least 50% worse than its predecessor.

MyTube

If you aren't watching "My Name is Earl" and "The Office" I feel bad for you.  Last night's episode of "Earl," which spoofed "Cops," was one of the funniest episodes this year if not of the series thus far. 

"Office," on the other hand, seemed to be someone toned down from recent shows where Michael's antics have become almost unwatchable.

Bad news also came in yesterday, though, "The O.C." is getting sacked by FOX.  It'll end its run at 16 episodes in this, its fourth season.  Unfortunately the 9:00PM slot on Thursday night faced it off with two giants, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" and a surging "Grey's Anatomy."  Last season kind of sucked and although this season is arguably the best since the shows first, it just couldn't get an audience.  As long as they actually end the show I'll be happy.

I'll also be happy to see more of Rachel Bilson, Autumn Reeser, Ben McKenzie and Adam Brody in future projects.  That show was my last true guilty pleasure so it sucks to see it go but what do you really expect from FOX?

Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor George Bush

He can listen to your phone calls, tap your email, pull you off the street for no reason and take away your ability to even ask why you were taken and now, he can read your mail.

Two words that should scare the crap out of you by now; Signing statement.

Back in December a new postal bill was signed into law by Bush and he attached a signing statement that basically says that in an emergency the government can read our mail without a warrant.

Tell you what, you can read ALL of my mail.  Since all I get are credit card bills and offers for even more credit cards, you would actually be doing me a favor by sorting through all that shit for me! 

Two more years.  Just two more years.  I have to keep reminding myself that we only have to put up with two more years of this worthless, criminal president.  But seriously, I think I may need to start looking into that move to New Zealand again...just in case I wake up some random Tuesday to find that we bombed Iran or something.

Shit Fallin' Out the Sky!

First a meteorite falls on a house in Jersey then we find out about a UFO over Chicago back in November and now a Russian rocket has dropped on Wyoming.

I think it's the Scientologists.  It's retribution for us torpedoing Tom Cruise's career.

1-3-2007

Cry Me A River

Okay, first of all, if you are making $165K a year you can't cry poverty.  If that's not enough, you're living wrong.

And if you're crying about the case load then I have an epiphany; dismiss the stupid fucking court cases that people file on a daily basis.

I don't care how hot the coffee is at McDonalds, if you stick it between your legs while driving a car, and you get burned it's your own damn fault!  I don't want to see you in court.

Likewise, if you're 85 years old and you grab a six pack of beer at the local gas-n-sip but don't get carded you are not entitled to sue using age discrimination, even if the store has a "we card everyone" policy."  If you start tossing out the shit like that I'm sure we'd see a decline of cases much larger than 4%.

Private

Newsflash: if you post it on the Interwebs it's NOT private!  It's no surprise to me that potential employers will look on Facebook or MySpace to get dirt on potential employees.  Internet searches of companies when looking for a job has long been a hot tip so I don't know why anyone would be surprised by this.

After reading this I punched my name into Google, Ask and Yahoo just to see what turned up.  Impressively, nothing came up.  Lucky for me, some tool with the same name as me, who happens to be a doctor, pretty much eats up the first page on Google.  Even 10 pages deep into those results and I still hadn't found my name.  As a matter of fact, when I specifically search this site for my name it's not even found. 

Yay.  I like it that way.

Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of

It's been a while since I did a HBYNHO feature and I figured what better time to start it up again than the new year.  So I welcome you to 2007 with a real hottie you've never heard of, I guarantee it.  You may, however, have seen her.  Her debut movie role was the much-hyped "train passenger" in a little 2004 film called Spider-Man.

And you have to respect a girl that'll wear a necklace that says "sinner."  But, before I ramble on too long, I give you Chloe Dykstra in glasses and Chloe Dykstra with a "do me now" look on her face.

1-2-2007

Welcome to 2007!  Hope you all have a great year!