News Archive -  February 2005

2-28-2005

Net Enigma. Why are you telling me this? What makes you think I have any interest in this?

The 77th Academy Awards are now over and poor Marty Scorsese got shut out again.  In other news, Jamie Foxx won actor of the year for Ray and Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby raked in 4 awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actor.  Not too shabby.

I watched a good chunk of the show and some of the highlights for me were Antonio Banderas and Carlos Santana performing the eventual winner of best song, "Al Otro Lando Del Rio," Beyonce performing 3 of the other nominated songs and Jamie Foxx's acceptance speech.

I haven't seen Ray yet but just from the clips, the stories and the interviews, I can easily see how Jamie deserved that award, however, I feel bad for Johnny Depp who got ousted two years running.  It's tough when you come up against so many good actors in any given year, but Depp is due.  Foxx had his breakout roll playing Ray Charles, but I hope Depp finds his way to the podium...sooner rather than later.

Medal

With soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan we hear on the news about them winning medals whether they be for bravery or a Purple Heart for being injured.  I think that maybe we should look a little closer to home to hand out some medals and Patrick McCullough should be on top of the list.

For the last 10 years the guy has been trying to clean up his neighborhood and get rid of the drug dealers.  But instead of someone helping him out, like say the police, he's now in the position where he might be up on charges for shooting a 17-year-old that was part of a gang that threatened him on his own property.

I say we throw out any possible charges against Mr. McCullough and instead, pin a medal on his chest, buy him a box of ammunition to replace what he fired in self defense and send him home with a bottle of champagne. 

I make no secret of the fact that I believe there are people that need to be killed and I can't think of any better candidates that drug dealers.  Mr. McCullough, I salute you for standing up for your rights and for protecting yourself.

Short

I came up short on pissing off people this week.  As hard as I tried I wasn't able to upset any more forum rats.  I guess I just didn't put enough effort into it.

2-25-2005

Net Enigma. You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

When will kids ever learn that they can't bring dangerous weapons to school?  Things that can kill, maim and traumatize their fellow students like bombs, guns, incendiary devises, rubber bands.

Wait, say that again?  Bombs, guns, incendiary devises, rubber bands.  Hold up, rubber bands?  Yep.  Toss a rubber band at your teacher and you're likely to be charged with a level 4 offense in Florida schools and suspended for 10 days (pending final decision on your full suspension).

If the kid had "aimed it a little more" or gotten it "closer to her face" he would have put his teacher's eye out.  Quick, hide the Red Rider BB gun.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, afterall, wasn't in Florida where a kid got suspended for bringing nail clippers to school?  I'm pretty sure it was also in Florida where a kid got suspended for bringing a plastic gun, meant for his 12" G.I. Joe figure, to school. 

I think that state has more important things to worry about like hurricanes, shark attacks and Jeb Bush.  I might be wrong about that...but I'm not.

Slacking

I've been unable to piss off any more people this week so my tally is still 2.  Damnit.

Do I even need to mention it?

I'm sure everyone has heard by now about Paris Hilton having her T-Mobile account hacked last weekend.  Well, I finally got to see the pictures from her phone camera.  Nothing we haven't seen before, although, really, can you ever get enough of hot, naked broads making out?

I think it would have been fun though to get some of the phone numbers and call up some actors and actresses and bitch them out for shitty movies that they've given us. 

2-23-2005

Net Enigma. Fuck face? I'll have to remember that one next time I climb off your mom.

My goal for the week; piss off as many people as possible.  It's Tuesday and the total is now 2.

I'm running it from Monday - Saturday.  My approach to pissing people off?  Outlawing stupidity in forums.  Yep, I'm trolling through forums that I frequent and posting snide remarks in answer to asinine questions, grading people on their poorly worded (or spelled) posts and generally belittling them for being "newbies."

I'm such an ass.

This is why we'll never win

The war in the Middle East, that is.  In Pakistan a guy had an affair with his cousin's wife.  The punishment?  His niece, upon her 18th birthday, will have to marry his cousin.

Now, let's take a look at the family tree here for a second.  Akmal had the affair with his cousin Altaf's wife.  Akmal is not married so his niece is the daughter of either his brother or sister...who would also be Altaf's cousin.  That makes the niece Altaf's second cousin. 

Oh, and she's currently 2 years old.  Now, West Virginia aside, how can our country ever hope to find a middle ground with a country that would do this type of thing?  Because, you see, it is technically not illegal to do this.  If, when this chick turns 18, she's forced into the marriage, it would be illegal.  But, till then, Altaf, ya gots yerself a fiancé.

Excuse me while I go reverse-consume my dinner.

Beer of Choice

I need to praise JW Dundee's Honey Brown lager.  It's been a while since I expounded the virtues of the honey flavored, ice cold beverage that graces the bottom shelf of my refrigerator. 

This smooth, tasty beverage will not judge you.  It will not become bored with your stories of past glory.  It will not develop a headache and refuse to be consumed.  It will not, in fact, leave you for another beer.  It will copy other lists but not care that it cribbed them, the beer god is almighty, after all.  Honey Brown will continue to be brewed at the High Falls Brewery in Rochester, NY.  It will chase down spiedies in southern PA, educate the uneducatable and cure what ails you.

JW Dundee's Honey Brown Lager will complement "The Downward Spiral" without inducing suicidal tendencies.  Honey Brown will induce wardrobe malfunctions, cause bitch's panties to drop and will make others more interesting.  It won't rock you to sleep in the wee hours of the morning but will be there when you wake up. 

Honey Brown Lager will bring the world together.  It will open borders, close bars at 2 A.M., make fat chicks cute and improve your singing voice.  It is the perfect compliment to your microwave dinner, Dinosaur BBQ or tuna fish sandwich.  Honey Brown will not get the band back together, but it will make your guitar riff epic.

Honey Brown will do all this and more and will only cost you $9 American for a 12-pack. 

All hail, Honey Brown Lager.

2-22-2005

Net Enigma. Now who's a rat in a dress, bitch?

Caught Constantine last night.  Staring Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz, Constantine is based on a DC comic book, "Hellblazer," published under the Vertigo line.  Not having read that title before, I can't compare the movie property to the print version; I'll have to assume that Hollywood kept it as faithful to the comic as any other movie has done (insert your own snide remark here).

As a boy, Keanu's John Constantine committed suicide to escape the visions of spirits and demons that he was able to see.  Being Catholic, suicide is a mortal sin and as such, he was sent to Hell.  But his suicide was unsuccessful and he was brought back.  Now, diagnosed with lung cancer, he's trying to buy his way back into Heaven by killing demons that are loose on Earth.

Rachel's character, Angela Dodson, is a local cop who's twin sister has just committed suicide after being in an asylum.  The sister, Isabel, has the same gift as Constantine but has been unable to deal with it throughout life.  Angela and Isabel are also Catholic and Angela is convinced that Isabel would not have committed suicide and asks Constantine to help her prove that and find her sister's spirit.

While helping Angela, Constantine discovers there is a bigger plan in motion to release the son of Satan onto Earth.  Of course, Neo, oh...I mean Constantine, is in place to stop it. 

The movie is peppered with some interesting characters which, unfortunately, can't all be completely developed.  Most notable are Pruitt Taylor Vince as Father Hennessy, Djimon Hounsou as Papa Midnite and Gavin Rossdale as Balthazar.  Pruitt Vince is an interesting actor that you may have seen in cameos on "CSI" or the defunct "Touching Evil," but to see him at his best check out Heavy.  Rossdale does a good job in his acting debut and Hounsou is always a joy to watch.

Reeves sticks with his deadpan delivery for many of his lines but hey, we already know he can't act and, for the most part, we don't care. The humor in the flick is dry.  So dry, in fact, it makes the Sahara look like the Amazon during monsoon season.  There is a lot of religious symbolism in the flick, some I caught, plenty more I didn't, but it's mostly relevant to the story.  The script also does a good job of explaining things along the way, but honestly, I'll need a second viewing to catch it all.  And a second viewing is definitely in order, as far as I'm concerned.

The special effects are incredible in this movie but nothing we haven't really seen before.  The director's take on Hell is interesting and the cinematography is incredible.  Philippe Rousselot, the cinematographer, has also brought you Interview with the Vampire, Planet of the Apes and Big Fish so he has a good track record (okay, I know, Planet of the Apes sucked, but it LOOKED good). 

So, standard stuff from Keanu, Rachel Weisz always looks hot and Vince, Hounsou and Rossdale made good supporting actors.  The pace of the film was descent and didn't sacrifice story for special effects...in other words, they didn't skip plot points just to blow more money on the next CGI scene.  For some reason I had trouble hearing parts of the film and I'm certain there were some visuals that I missed out on that will take a second viewing to appreciate.  The film looked good and although there wasn't a blatant soundtrack tie-in, I did notice Maynard belting out vocals on what's sure to be a Danny Lohner or Charlie Clouser-inspired tune (I'll be checking out the soundtrack this week). 

Could the film be better?  Sure, but I enjoyed it and will definitely see it again.  I'll give it 2.5 wheels of cheddar out of 4.

College wasn't this much fun

Steve York produced a porn video and aired it on the student TV station at UC San Diego. By the way, Steve, nice jacket.  Anyway, now he's caught up in the Free Speech vs. Obscene material debate.

Fact is, it aired on campus TV only which is closed-circuit, and although there may be some 17 year olds on campus, the huge majority must be over 18.  The age old argument applies; if you don't like it, don't watch it.

I recall hijacking the campus radio station in Morrisville one time my freshman year, but all we did was play some good music and provide some interesting (drunk) commentary.  Having a TV station would have been so much more interesting!

Paris exposed

Paris Hilton had her Sidekick II account hacked and pictures and phone numbers from it were posted on the Internet this week.  In the "Who Cares?" section of this post; do we really need to know when Paris has to pick up her next batch of birth control pills?

Probably.  Heh.  But the pictures of her making out with topless broads and the phone numbers would probably be fun.  I mean, who would like to call up Vin Diesel and bitch him out for not doing the sequel to xXx?

2-14-2005

Net Enigma. For Mature Audiences: Includes adult language, violence, nudity and sexual content.

Maybe slightly less sexual content today.  I pulled the Paris Hilton video off.  If you didn't get a chance to download it, well, you had fair warning.  It's out there if you want it.

Grammy

Note to prospective Grammy winners:  Don't try to win awards the same year that a beloved artist passes away.

But, congrats to Green Day and Kanye West who each took home awards.  And the nod to Southern Rock was excellent, I mean, you have to love it when Lynyrd Skynyrd gets on stage and nobody had to yell "Free Bird" to make it happen.

2-11-2005

Net Enigma. I wouldn't want to speculate.

So North Korea has nuclear weapons.  I guess we shouldn't be shocked about that.  I'm just happy living on the East Coast.  I'm bordered by Canada and the Atlantic Ocean with the closest country over there being the UK.  That's pretty safe.

The only thing we're in danger of having lobbed at us here is some lumber or, if the wind is right, haggis.

Reprieve

Seems the Virginia legislature was to embarrassed to go through with the underwear law.  Bare asses, it seems, shouldn't take precedence over more important things in government.

I couldn't agree more.  Besides, underwear hanging out of the pants can be a good thing.

Movie

While you're waiting for your Paris Hilton sex video to download, watch this short version of The Lord of the Rings.

2-10-2005

Net Enigma. Whoever said poverty sucks never drank Boone's Farm.

It's the 10th but we're only at 22% bandwidth for the month.  That means for you I'm giving you till Saturday to get your fill of the Paris Hilton video before I take it down.  You're welcome.

All stores are Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart is closing a store in Canada rather than have the employees form a labor union.  Sounds sort of like what CAT did in York, PA.  The union down there was striking for more money, instead of dealing with them, CAT closed the plant. 

Heh.  Interesting way to take care of uppity workers, eh?

Making this story more interesting, WM just opened a store here in Ithaca about 2 weeks ago.  Thankfully it opened during one of the coldest weeks this winter so that the homeless had somewhere to go. 

The first day I went in the collective employee tooth count was 12.  I expect great things.

Copycats

I've always liked the Twisted Dictionary not just because it reminds me of sick, demented chats I've had with the crew, but because some of the terms in there are truly hilarious in a rude sort of way.  Now MSNBC has jumped on the bandwagon and  published a cheat sheet of chat abbreviations for parents to be on the lookout for (See the full NetLingo Dictionary for more). 

I guess parents should know if their children are talking to someone that is CTC or NIFOC.  And remember to ask important questions of prospective chat partners such as, B4ILUVURU18 or are you a MILF?

I guess these broads forgot to ask that first one, huh?

Plumbers Outlawed in Virginia

If you wear your pants in such a way as to expose your underpants, prepare to be fined in Virginia.

In other news, Vida Guerra has just been arrested in Richmond.

2-2-2005

Net Enigma. She has the kind of natural beauty that normally only comes with $50,000 worth of surgery.

Paris Hilton video?  Get it here till February 10th or 50% bandwidth...whichever comes first.  HAHA, get it?  "Comes" first?

Never mind.

Got Hostage?

According to some generic terrorist organization they have captured an American soldier named John Adam.  Further reports lead the US to believe that his name is actually "Cody"   The good news, it appears that we may have already captured the insurgent responsible for this kidnapping.

Eerie

I'm reading Dan Brown's new book "Angels & Demons" which is about a crisis going on in Rome while the Vatican is electing a new Pope.  And today the news comes in that the real Pope was just rushed to a hospital. 

If his tongue turns black and you see Tom Hanks running around Italy with a hot brunette, let me know.  I'll finally believe that the apocalypse is truly upon us.

2-1-2005

Net Enigma. And we're back.

Okay, bandwidth emergency avoided.  I didn't get the site shut down and I didn't have to incur some hefty bandwidth charges so I'm happy.

But, how much of that 40GB of bandwidth did we use?  How about 39.5GB.  For comparison, when we moved the site to the new host, Lundarpages.com, we used 281MB from July 22 - July 31.  Not really a good example so let's look deeper.

In August the total transfer was 1.39GB.  September and October were similar with 1.12GB and 1.62GB respectively, but then in November we jumped to 6.44GB.  Chalk that up to posting a Master Card commercial joke and an MP3.

Then we get to December.  You wankers knuckle-shuffled through 10GB worth of mp3's and Advent Calendar porn.  Not bad, I could handle that kind of, um, exposure?  But then January rolled in. 

Unleash the Paris Hilton sex video and all the perves joined the party.  But, fame is a fickle bitch. 

But now it's February and that means a whole new 40GB of bandwidth for you to rape.  Although I said I'd have the Paris video back up today, it's actually not going to be up till the 2nd.  You can wait a day.

Let the bodies hit the floor

But, they didn't.  In Iraq, that is.  The elections went off on Sunday with minimal problems.  Sure, there are a few more red stains in the desert, but the voters got to the polls, where they wanted to, and voted without a lot of problems.

I would suggest, however, that they all get that purple ink off their finger.

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