News Archive - February 2006

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2-28-2006

I could explain it better but I'd need charts and graphs and an easel.

So yesterday at work I downloaded Internet Explorer 7 Beta 2 as a test to see if our on-line catalogue worked with it (it does) but what struck me right off the bat is how poor the interface is.

It's the bastardized stepchild of Netscape and Firefox.  It totally reengineers the interface so that it sort of resembles those other two browsers but doesn't add anything new or noteworthy to the game and it certainly doesn't look good.

IE 7 Beta 2 also doesn't have a "classic" skin which even Netscape included in their shitty upgrade.  Oh, and did I mention that it won't install on Windows 2000?  Yep, that's right, all the new innovation they put into it, along with security features, won't be available to the installed base of Windows 2K users.  That's another slap seeing as Win 2K is still on the supported apps list from Redmond.  Granted, I like XP well enough but I still have a Win 2K box and didn't have any plans to give it up, now I may have to if I want the benefits that the new browser is supposed to give us.

I'll have to take another look at it, I guess, but at first glance I don't like it.  Worse is that if this is a preview if what's coming in Windows Vista I don't see myself upgrading.  I rather like the XP interface and if they tinker with it as much as they did on IE 7, I'm not going to be happy.  I guess it's time to start reading up on the new operating system to see what I can expect from it.

2-22-2006

We have a serious dragon problem. Bring your sword...

Apparently six of our nations busiest ports are going to be controlled by a company that is owned by the country United Arab Emirates.  Bush, known for his sound judgment over the last 5 years backs it.  What could possibly go wrong?

Shady Lady

A woman was banned from an Aldi grocery store because she looked "suspicious."  The only thing suspicious is that she has 16 kids.

In other news, the UK has a need for ghetto stores like Aldi.

Oh, those Canadians

After a Norwegian ski coach helped out a Canadian skier in the women's team sprint, Canadian's have decided to show their thanks by sending cans of maple syrup to Norway.  What makes it sweeter is that the women won the silver in that race.

Aww...

This just in

Verizon, who is partnered with Yahoo!, is not allowing the word "allah" in email userids....even if your name happens to be something like "Callahan."  "God" and "Christ" not on the banned list.

Come on, I want to see some Roman Catholics rioting in the street over this!  Where is the outrage?  Where is the embassy burning?

2-18-2006

Just a little 3-way...nothing dirty.

According to the news section on IMDB.com, a porn tape of Scott Stapp and Kid Rock having sex with groupies has been found.  Here's the article:

Stapp and Kid Rock in Sex Tape Scandal
A steamy sex tape, which allegedly shows former Creed frontman Scott Stapp and rocker Kid Rock involved in explicit sex acts with groupies, is set to be released. The boss of the company behind the release of Paris Hilton's sex tape, 1 Night In Paris, claims to have acquired the saucy footage, in which the two rockers are heard talking to one another during sexual encounters on a tour bus. The tape was made when Kid Rock and Stapp toured together six years ago. David Joseph, the president of distribution company Red Light District says, "We acquired the tape from a third party. We haven't decided exactly what we are doing with it, but our goal is to release it towards the middle of this year." Stapp married former Miss New York Jaclyn Nesheiwat last Friday at a black-tie ceremony in Miami, Florida. He was arrested for public drunkenness the following day at Lax airport, while en route to his honeymoon in Hawaii.

Now, Scott Stapp...that poor chucklehead seems to have lost his mind but I wouldn't expect anything less from the guy that wrote this song:

"Cadillac Pussy" (feat. Hank Williams, Jr.)

I seen a fly slimmy on the avenue
When I was on tour in baton rouge
A mean little missy with a attitude
I played it smooth
No need to be rude
I stopped the ship
Stepped off like chewie..
Ran some game like louie louie
Talked her on the bus
Talked her out of her shorts
No lie y'all, I'm here 2 report

She had some Cadillac pussy
Some Cadillac pussy
She had some Cadillac pussy
She had some Cadillac pussy
Man it would drive you wild

That's just Kid being Kid.

Gold Teeth

That's all the US women's hockey team will be coming home with after losing to Sweden.

And don't even get me started on Lindsey Jacobellis who blew her huge lead in the snowboardcross event when she pulled a stunt on one of the last two jumps in her race.  She had to settle for silver after falling.

Honestly, I can't even get excited about the Olympics this year.  I think part of it's because there's so much shit going on in the world that I'd rather everyone just stayed home.  Let the rest of the world have at it, we don't need to ruffle any more feathers.  I can't help but think that every time a US athlete hits a medal stand some chucklehead somewhere adds another screw to his roadside bomb.

2-17-2006

What's the statute of limitation on stupidity?

So last night I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and for some reason I decided to look at the ingredient list for the peanut butter.  I guess maybe it was some passing thought like "Hey, I wonder what kind of crap they put in this."

I look at the label on my Peter Pan creamy peanut butter jar and here it is:

Ingredients: Roasted peanuts, sugar, partially hydrogenated vegetable oils (cottonseed and rapeseed), salt.
CONTAINS: PEANUTS

Wait. What's that?

"CONTAINS: PEANUTS."

Holy fucking Christ, somebody call the cops, my fuckin' peanut butter has peanuts in it! 

I had no idea.  How long has this been going on?  Does Peter Pan realize this?  Somebody should be notified, I mean, this could be the end of the world as we know it.  I'm sure I hear the Horsemen saddling up for a ride.

Then I realized something, this isn't put on the label because there's some huge secret, it's because people are stupid.  It's on there for the hot-coffee-in-the-lap-at-McDonald's people and their friends.

That got me thinking that maybe I should write an ingredients list for NetEnigma, just to make sure that everyone knows exactly what they should be getting from this web site.  So here it is:

Ingredients: Crappy writing, semi-witty banter, social commentary, rants, movie reviews, pirated music (suck it RIAA), beer, links to better sites
CONTAINS: PORN

Larry Flynt - People's Champion

Apparently Larry Flynt has been sending copies of "Hustler" magazine to all 535 members of Congress...for at least 24 years.  Unfortunately, it seems that nobody in Congress has time to read them and they are being thrown away.

One question I have is are the magazines going in the trash and not being recycled?  If so, it would seem they also have a distaste for the environment.

I am happy that they were not able to pass some law saying that Flynt couldn't send them the magazines anymore though.  If I have to suffer huge numbers of credit card offers, ads for products I'll never buy and Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes offers, Congress should have to accept a free issue of "Hustler."

But if any NY Congressmen want to send me their copy I'd be happy to take it.  Call it "giving back to the community."

2-15-2006

I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder...It's jut not coming.

Apparently the students at the University of Washington have rolled one too many joints.  The student government doesn't want to erect a memorial to a UW grad and American hero.  A guy you may have heard of before; Pappy Boyington.

A hero of WWII who spent time in a Japanese prisoner camp.  A hero that won both the Navy Cross and Meal of Honor.  A hero that proudly served his country in the greatest war this world has ever seen. 

To you, the current students of UW, I say; FUCK YOU. 

You are the ones who do not deserve to be associated with Pappy, not the other way around.

And to you, Ashley Miller, for your comment, "many monuments at UW already commemorate rich white men," I hope there is a special seat in Hell  reserved especially for you.  Racist bitch.

Happy Valentine's Day...get out

According to Life & Style magazine Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are splitting up even though she hasn't had her baby yet.

This just in....nobody cares.  Seriously. 

I was a huge Katie Holmes fan but this whole romance with Cruise ruined that.  I lost all respect for both of them because of it.  Their romance being splashed all over TV and news sites actually partially ruined Batman Begins for me. 

And I'm going to have a hard time watching Cruise movies again, including the upcoming Mission Impossible sequel.  A movie I was actually looking forward to when it was announced.  Whatever.

Whoa...

Talk about bizarre.  While I was writing the previous post I was waiting for another story to load in IE about a couple in Chicago that revisited the hotel where they first had their honeymoon 60 years ago.

The Drake Hotel in Chicago. 

The Drake, if anyone remembers, was a key plot point in the first Tom Cruise Mission Impossible movie.

Freaky.

Anyway, the story; Ardell Reis brought along her receipt from their first stay at the Drake thinking that the staff would get a kick out of it, instead, the Reis' got a room for 1946 prices: $7 a night.

Aww.

Valentine's Day still sucks...but the Drake doesn't.

2-14-2006

Never trust a beautiful woman...especially one who's interested in you.

Today is the blackest of the black holidays, invented by Hallmark, flower shops, candy makers and jewelers.  It's the one day of the year that you're guilted into spending money on the one you love.  And if you're single, the day just makes you feel like shit because you're a failure in the love department.

My Target store, which is red anyway, is all awash in pink hearts and sappy greeting cards making it even more garish.  I think I'm going to puke.

I want a holiday I can get behind.  Like "Drunken Three-Way Day" where the corporate sponsors are Playboy, the Bunny Ranch and the High Falls Brewery. 

Holy Real Estate Bubble

Good news, your house is valued at $400 million dollars. Bad news, you owe $8 million in property tax. Good news; your house really is only worth $121,000 so you don't have to pay those taxes.

Sucks to be you: Valparaiso, Ind. may have to lay off workers because of the glitch which, when fixed, caused a school system budget shortfall of $200,000 and a city loss of $900,000

Fuck You

That's pretty clear right?  Well, maybe not always.  According to that study quoted on Wired.com, people only correctly interpret the tone of e-mail messages 50% of the time.  I guess that applies to text messages and forum posts as well.

So, next time you want to tell someone off by being sarcastic in an e-mail or forum post, don't.  Skip right to the part where you call them an "idiot," "intellectual waste," and sign off by calling them a fucker.  Because you know they probably are.

2-13-2006

I could not make this stuff up.

Not content to eavesdrop on Americans the Vice President is now taking matters in his own hands to stop terrorism and violence in the US. His first act, shooting up his own friends.  The new motto at the White House:  Cross the Vice Pres and he's gonna pop a cap in your face.

2-10-2006

I hate people.

So yesterday one of the main news stories was that some 8th grader spelled the word "discernible" in a spelling bee in Nevada but was told it was wrong because the judge's sheet had it spelled "discernable."

The parents, not wanting to interrupt the bee waited till the end to lodge a complaint.  Which was also wrong; they should have lodged it immediately.  How do they solve the problem?

Somebody gonna get sued!

Whatever.  So the organizers caved, the girl is going to the state championship and next year all parents will have to sign a paper saying they understand the rules. 

Fair play surrenders. 

Can we now expect lawsuits over bad calls in Baseball, Football or, better yet, how about in the Olympics coming up this weekend? 

I figure 8th grade is as good a time as any to teach a person about the crushing disappointments they're going to experience for the next 60 years or so...

Follow-up

Finally some more information on the lesbian cheerleader bathroom sex scandal of 2005.  The Smoking Gun has police statements and pictures

Hooray FCC

The FCC has gone back on their original finding that a la carte cable channel purchasing wouldn't be cost effective or beneficial to consumers.

Suck on that Time Warner.  You thieving bastards.  I'll take any plan that'll help cut my $50 cable bill down.

Lunch Time

From now on I plan on eating at Subway at least 5 times a week.  Lunch and dinner.  Because you never know what you might see.

2-5-2006

Yeah...that went well.

So the Muslims are pissed.  And this time, we didn't do it!

But the fact that people rioted around the world, torched buildings and governments condemned the publishing of these cartoons just proves one thing;  No matter what we (or any country in the "West") do we will never be able to deal with the Middle East and other Muslim countries.

It's not possible.  They're too far out there.  They hate everyone not them, and most of the time they even seem to hate themselves.

Religion of peace and love my ass.