News Archive - March 2004
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3-27-2004
Net Enigma. Thanks for your kind words.
Well, little late on the update. Last night was not only the debut of chapter 11 of the animated Star Wars Clone Wars on Cartoon Network but there were also new "Wonder Falls" and "Touching Evil" episodes on. So, after watching them and talking on the phone till 2am I finally got to Finding Nemo.
Funny Friday
And that brings me to the review for last nights film. The movie came out in early 2003 and I had heard good things about it, afterall, it's from Disney and Pixar who also brought us Toy Story, A Bugs Life and Monsters, Inc.
Some of the characters were voiced by the likes of Mel Brooks, Willem Dafoe and Ellen DeGeneres. Nemo, the only son of Marlin is taken from the ocean by a scuba diver. That causes Marlin to go on a quest to get him back. Marlin teams up with Dory and the adventure begins. While Nemo ends up in an aquarium in a dentists office, Marlin fights past sharks, deep sea creatures and seagulls to finally rescue him.
The animation is perfect, as you would expect from Pixar and there are some funny scenes and gags, but overall, I didn't like the movie that much. It was a rather predictable coming-of-age movie and although it was about fish, it wasn't that original.
I didn't find it nearly as funny as Monsters, Inc. and when it was all over I couldn't even point to one thing that stood out as being overly funny or unique. I don't know, maybe watching Jack Black would have been better.
I'll give the film 2 wheels of cheddar strictly for the animation from Pixar but overall I was less than impressed. Now that Disney and Pixar have split it'll be interesting to see the next project from Pixar. maybe without Disney looking over their shoulder they can get a nice original screenplay to animate.
And, with that...
I wrap up Net Enigma goes to the movies week. Just in time, too, because starting this week, even though it's earlier than usual, I think we're seeing the kickoff of the summer movie season. Next Friday sees the opening of Hellboy which will be closely followed by The Girl Next Door, Punisher, and Kill Bill: Volume 2. There are a few other films hitting that may be good also, like the new Rock movie Walking Tall and the Willis/Perry buddy film The Whole Ten Yards.
So, stay tuned as I'll be reviewing a bunch of those films on thier opening weekend.
3-26-2004
Net Enigma. May explode or leak and cause burn injury.
Thrashed Thursday
You wanna thrash something you're going to need a good action flick. The choice this week, The Rundown starring The Rock, Sean William Scott and Christopher Walken.
The Rock plays Beck, a bounty hunter working for a mob boss retrieving money, property or, in this case, people. Sean William Scott, as Travis, is the son of the mob boss and Beck's target. All Beck has to do is bring Travis out of Brazil where he's searching, Indiana Jones-style, for a priceless idol. Things go sideways when Beck finds Travis hiding out in a town enslaved by Walken's character, Hatcher.
As Beck fights his way out of town, the chase is on. Joined by Travis' girlfriend, Rosario Dawson's Mariana, Beck and Travis trek through the jungle while Hatcher hunts them. They encounter martial artist guerilla's, monkeys and hallucinating fruit, not to mention Scott's trademark humor.
There is nothing artistic about this film, the plot is just interesting enough to keep you awake between action sequences but the acting is surprisingly good. Dawson and Scott are pros but The Rock really shines in this film. There's the requisite goofiness but the director, Peter Berg, didn't have to resort to using The Rock's WWE trademark gimmicks to get a good performance. The Rock, I daresay, is turning into an action hero with the potential to pass Stallone and Schwarzenegger (who has a walkthrough cameo at the start). The 80's and 90's had Stallone and Arnold, now we have Rock and Vin Diesel?
Rundown is the type of movie you can throw in the DVD player and crack open a beer to. It's not deep like Swimming Pool and it's not a monster version of "Romeo & Juliet" like Underworld but it may elicit a Keanu-esque "Whoa" when you see the cool wire work and fight scenes.
I'll slice up 3 wheels of cheddar for this film just because it's fun and it doesn't take itself seriously. Can't wait to see The Rock in Walking Tall. I think there are good things to come in his career away from the squared circle.
Funny Friday is here and I think I'm finally going to watch Finding Nemo. It's either that or School of Rock but I don't know if I feel like having a Jack Black kind of evening.
3-25-2004
Net Enigma. Baffled.
Wet-n-Wild Wednesday
The French film Swimming Pool was on tap for Wednesday night, closely followed by "The O.C.", "South Park" and "Chappelle's Show." I figured I'd be in for a good night and I was correct.
Swimming Pool, on the surface, is about Sarah Morton, a crime novel author who has lost her muse. After writing a series of novels about the same character, Sarah is disenchanted with the entire genre. Her publisher, John, sends her to spend time in his house in France hoping that getting away from the hustle of London will help her.
At some point after her arrival, I think, the entire flick goes fantasy world on us. I have to admit that I'm baffled by this movie and I need to watch it again to see if I can figure it out. I can tell you, though, that the movie is not for everyone. The plot is drawn out and there is a lot of "down time" interlaced with short bursts of dialog and interaction with other characters. But mainly we watch Sarah putter around the house in France.
The introduction of her publishers daughter, Julie, once Sarah has arrived at the house, creates the biggest HUH? about the whole flick. Is she really John's daughter, is she a figment of Sarah's imagination or is she Sarah herself? Possibly she's even Sarah's mother. I'm not sure. And that's the major flaw with the film.
The director uses imagery to help tell the story but at times it's either so subtle, vague, or smart that you miss it. This is the movie that film geeks will point at for years so that they can brag about how superior to the common movie watcher they are because they get it.
Now, before I go any further and you start to think that I didn't like it, let me tell you that I did enjoy the movie. The imagery that was too smart at times could also be interesting. The idea that there is something else going on beneath the surface of the obvious is intriguing and, like I said, I want to watch again to try and figure it out.
However, if none of that interests you then let me say three words to you; Ludivine Sagnier naked. That's right. Probably a full 2/3 of her on-screen time is spent in some state of nakedness and men everywhere will be happier for having seen it. Hence why Ludivine is in the upcoming "128 Hottest" contest.
But I digress.
The movie is smart and well directed, the cinematography is great and the acting is spot on. The fact that it's almost too smart for it's own good makes it interesting, makes you want to puzzle over it and spend time with it. I'm going to hook this film up with 3 out of 4 wheels of cheddar just for the fact that Ludivine may possibly have the nicest set of natural boobs I've ever seen...that and I liked the fact that it baffled me. I'll be watching it again just to see if I can figure it out.
Thrashed Thursday is here and it's time to catch The Rock in The Rundown. Mindless fun, I can't wait.
3-24-2004
Net Enigma. It's a wacky world.
A county in Oregon has banned marriage. No, not gay marriage, ALL marriage. Man, that is just too over the top.
Terrifying Tuesday
Movie week rolls on with a viewing of 28 Days Later. The zombie horror flick set in the UK was interesting, if a little different than I thought it would be.
The story follows Jim from the time he wakes up in a hospital, after an accident, to find that he's one of the few people still alive in England. He leaves the hospital and hooks up with Selena and another survivor where he finds out that a virus that infects the blood has wiped out civilization and left the country full of zombies...all in 28 days.
You know, as I try to write this, I really don't get "it." I don't get the message in this film. Is it a message that experimenting on animals, the original source for the virus, is wrong or that humans are survivors? Is it that in a world without organized law and government chaos will ensue? Or is it a wake-up call to the world that infectious disease could end humanity? Maybe it's all of them, but none of them are new. Anyone seen 12 Monkeys?
Anyway, I don't have an answer to that. So, I'll look at it this way, it was a horror flick. There was action, blood, British accents and some creepy contact lenses. Finley and others raved about the film when they saw it. Eh, it was okay. I was more frightened by the inbred hillbillies in Wrong Turn and liked the accents in Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels better.
It was well filmed by Danny Boyle and the actors did a good job. The locations and settings were sufficiently creepy and the entire thing, shot digitally as I recall, was moody and perfect. But, I was left without a jump-out-of-my-seat reaction to the whole thing. It wasn't any more gory or brutal than, say, The Passion of the Christ and I didn't feel it was any more stylish than last night's Underworld.
Some chucklehead on IMDB named george.schmidt penned this great piece of literature about the film; "A hybrid of a George A. Romero genre thriller via Kubrickian morality tale with a turgid taste of black humor mix into a highly intoxicating cocktail of lurid emotionally fused melodrama." Blah, blah, blah...all I get out of that is Georgy has a small pecker a big Thesaurus and is probably unemployed thus giving him enough time to be dangerous with his Internet connection.
So, without some type of message that I could discern, or at least some shock value to this flick, I'll have to give it a cool 2 out of 4 wheels of cheddar. Props to Boyle for getting this out, but if you want to see a better, more relevant flick, see his earlier film Trainspotting. You'll not only get a glimpse at drug addicts but you'll also see the budding career of one Ewan McGregor, sans lightsaber and wisdom, of course.
Tonight it's Wet-n-Wild Wednesday and Net Enigma screens the French film Swimming Pool. Stop back tomorrow for my thoughts.
3-23-2004
Net Enigma. You're not supposed to talk to strangers. Piss off.
We're just a little over a week away from the start of the "128 Hottest" contest. I saw the layout today and it looks slick as hell. The broads look great and it's going to be a great time!
Going to the Movies
Since TV sucks ass this week I've designated it as "Net Enigma Goes to the Movies" week. Last night was Monster Movie Monday and the film, Underworld. I did a review of it back when it hit theaters so I'll skip that.
But, it's a good flick. Check it out if you like hot broads in spandex and leather or if you like vampires and werewolves. Cool special effects and lots of guns could also be your draw.
Tonight is Terrifying Tuesday and I'll be catching (finally) 28 Days Later.
3-18-2004
Net Enigma. I don't think I'm gonna die soon 'cause I don't think they're done punishing me.
It's done. The pictures are all set for "The 128 Hottest Chicks we didn't think of." All 384 of them, cropped, chopped and spiced up for your viewing pleasure. And along with that announcement comes this one:
Coming April 1st, The 128 Hottest Chicks we didn't think of...the first time!
That Thursday the game will go live with the banner link at the top of the page. Ralph is putting the finishing touches on the game and I have to say, it looks great. There are also some cool twists to the game that I'll be laying out for you in the next couple of days.
I'm also debuting a new board in the forum dedicated to the game. The rules, instructions and any questions that we may have to answer will also be posted in the forum. And, I'm hoping that the board will be a place that you can hang out and tell us what's good, bad and HOT about the game...and also let us know if you have any problems.
I've even told Joe and Magneticdozer, the main forum rats, that the 128 Hottest board is off limits so hopefully they won't be harassing anyone there.
Oh, and if you played the first time around, I still have your email address and I'm going to be sending out an email announcement this week. I'm hoping that everyone that enjoyed this the first time will come back and bring friends.
Amazing
The most amazing thing, to me anyway, happened last night as I was watching this new TV series on USA called "Touching Evil." It's not that it's an original show, cause it's not, it's not that it has a hot broad, been done, and it's not that it's a cop show, been overly done. It's the fact that the last 5 minutes of the show, as background music, played a remix of the NIN song, "The Day the World Went Away."
Can you believe that? NIN on television. I was shocked. I didn't recognize it at first as it was just single piano notes...but then the lyrics kicked in and I was like "Wholly shit, E, that's fuckin' NIN." And that was odd too because I said it out loud, in my empty apartment, at 12:00am. Anyway.
Fuckin' NIN gettin' some respect.
Now, back to your regularly scheduled random porn.
3-14-2004
Net Enigma asks; Is it possible to see to many hot chicks in one day?
The answer; Possibly. I spent the better part of Saturday (ALL of it) gathering pictures for the upcoming "The 128 Hottest Chicks We Didn't Think Of....the first time."
All day I kept saying to myself "E," cause I refer to myself in the third person in my head, I said "E, that's the hottest broad you've ever seen." Then I'd go and download a picture of another girl and be like, "No, E, THAT'S the hottest broad you've ever seen."
And I kept doing that till I realized one thing; Girls are like baseball cards, you want to collect the whole set.
Menu Changes
So, if you notice, I added a new menu item over on the left called "Hot Topics." That's where I'll put up some links to content that I don't want to scroll off the front page but that I don't actually want to put in the main menu. The first Hot Topic, Janet Jackson's boob. Stay tuned for more nudity and/or useless info that I'm sure you'll look at.
World Poker Tour
Friday night I headed up to Todd's for some poker. Just nickel, dime, quarter stuff so you don't have to be rich to play. I didn't come out ahead but it was a fun evening. I'm not ready to head to Vegas to win my fortune by any means, but it's definitely funny to be down to your last two chips, yell "all in!" and then take the pot with 4 of a kind.
3-12-2004
Net Enigma. Thanking the Internet for supporting my ongoing battle against sunlight and the outdoors.
Ah, vacation. It's a fun time to go and visit with friends, see family, drink your face off. All of which I've accomplished...and I still have today and the rest of the weekend off. What a wonderful time to be young...well, close to young anyway.
At the movies
This past Sunday I went and saw The Passion of the Christ." It's a very powerful movie. I can't even really write a review or discuss it. You just have to go see it for yourselves.
I've never seen a movie theater be that quiet before, though. And walking out nobody was saying anything. Finley summed it up best, "I don't even know what to say."
128
I have a list containing the names of 128 hot chicks. Ralph showed me a preview of the game the other day and it's shaping up well. This time the game will be presented in widescreen high definition. Don't miss out! We're only about 20 days away from the start so be on the look out!
I'm in the process of gathering up pictures now, no easy task when you have this many hotties and tons of pictures to choose from! I'm going to have a sneak preview for you all next week with a glimpse of a few of the chicks vying for your vote come April.
And we even have a surprise this time around that will mix up the game and, hopefully, keep some hot chicks from losing out early in round one. We're evening up the playing field a little.
3-5-2004
Net Enigma. Super Sized for only $0.40 more!
Imagine the tech support for 24x7 surveillance of the Pakistan/Afghanistan border in the hunt for bin Laden. I'd hate have to call tech support when all that stuff wasn't working right....
SWISS: "Hello, Special Warfare Information Systems Support"
Lt Smith: "Yeah, my Predator drone is overhead but it can't
communicate with my PRC-10 handheld. I'm getting data
corruption from my 802.11b IR sensors and the ID-10T motion sensors
are offline."
SWISS: "Did you reboot the PRC-10?"
Lt Smith: "Yeah, and it didn't wor...<BRAAAPPP> SHIT, I'M
TAKING FIRE!!"
SWISS: "You're gonna have to reboot that PRC-10 Unit. And let me
put you on hold while I call RoadRunner support about that 802.11b
connection."
Lt Smith: "HOLD MY ASS! <BRAAAAPPP> <BOOOM> FIX THIS
FUCKIN' THING NOW"
SWISS: "I don't see any problems on this end, I think you're just
going to have to reboot that system. If that doesn't work
give us a call back."
Lt Smith: "YOU F..." <CLICK>
Now for something totally new
3-2-2004
Net Enigma. Watches too much TV
Last night was the finish for the second "Average Joe" dating show. I haven't posted on this as much as the first one but it's been just as hilarious. Sure enough, last night the hottie had to pick between the stud and the dud and without fail, she picked the dud.
The final twist was when she went away with the dude for a weekend and while there she told him that her ex-boyfriend was Fabio. You know, the long-haired romance novel cover model. The guy that tried to eat a pigeon while on the rollercoaster? Anyway, the stud freaked out and ditched her. HAHAHA!
After crushing the hearts of 20 guys, in the end, she had hers crushed. I wonder if she wishes now she'd picked the dude from Boston?
3-1-2004
Net Enigma. It's a sweep, beotch!
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King swept all 11 awards that it was nominated for. I can rest easy. The awards, though, were not just for the 3rd movie in the trilogy but in recognition of all the years that the movies took to make. The actors, music, directing, editing...everything. I'm psyched that the Academy finally recognized a fantasy film for its top honors.