News Archive - March 2006

   

3-30-2006

Loop, dude.  Loop.

Apparently there is a video on the Internet that shows Sienna Miller naked with another chick and some horses.  Oh, really?  Well, welcome to 2003.  It's old, but good, news.

Oh, and if anyone has the video or a link hit me up with an email: .

Interesting

You know how I bitch all the time about people suing over stupid things?  Well here's a web site that has a huge list of patent, trademark and copyright lawsuits that have been filed. 

My favorite:

FOR INCLUDING a 60-second piece of silence on their album, the Planets were threatened with a lawsuit by the estate of composer John Cage, which said they’d ripped off his silent work 4’33”. The Planets countered that the estate failed to specify which 60 of the 273 seconds in Cage’s piece had been pilfered.

2006 NC TandA Tournament

If you haven't checked it out yet, head over and vote in the Fantastic Four round of the T and A Tournament.  The matches are Stacy Keibler vs Lindsay Lohan and Carmen Electra vs Christina Lindley.

I'm hoping for a Stacy Keibler vs Carmen Electra final but we'll see.

3-26-2006

Is being desperately horny contagious?

Okay, even though I was a little mad the other day about discovering the "2006 NC TandA Tournament" I actually voted in round one and figured I'd check it out to see how it finished.  Well it's not finished yet but I was looking at round 4 yesterday and voted.  I didn't vote in rounds 2 or 3 so I was kind of surprised when I logged on last night.

Since the "Awesome 8" round had some surprising people in it I had to go back and view results on round 2 and the "Sweaty 16" round 3 and something interesting stands out.  Their results are similar to what we found when we ran the "128 Hottest" games; the hottest chicks don't always win.

In round one April Scott beat Jenna Jameson 52.39% to 47.61 which is pretty close but I was thinking Jenna might pull out the win. Things got clearer when I noticed a couple other things in round one that happened.  The next thing I noticed is that Faith Hill beat Halle Berry in the West bracket by a 55.98% to 44.02% vote.  It hit me, the Q95 radio station is based in Indianapolis, Indiana.

The heart of middle America.  Having been there twice these two votes made sense and when I looked at the entire bracket it pretty much played out. 

Country music and Christian values were probably going to sway votes.  Jenna Jameson, the adult film star, wasn't going anywhere.  And, I figured, neither would the minority entries: Halle Berry, Gabrielle Union, Beyonce and Leila Arcieri.  However, knowing that Indiana has a large Hispanic population, I figured that the Hispanic chicks would do well. 

I also figured that some of the controversial people like Angelina Jolie and Paris Hilton wouldn't play well either.  Guess what? I was pretty close.

Halle and Gabrielle were gone in round one as was Beyonce but Leila Arcieri made it to round 2.  So were Angelina (who almost stormed through the 128 Hottest contest) and Paris Hilton.  Hilton went down big getting only 23% of the votes against someone I'd never heard of, Jacqui Maxwell.  Jolie lost 48% to 51% to a little-known actress named Sarah Shahi.

On the other hand, most of the Hispanics did well; Salma Hayek, Vida Guerra (with a 70.21% win over Kim Smith!!) Penelope Cruz, Eva Longoria and Vanessa Marcil all easily advanced.

Some other surprises? 

Now that the vote is in round 4, a.k.a The "Awesome 8," there is one person that shocks me:  Autumn Reeser. 

Who? 

Exactly.  She's had guest rolls on a lot of TV shows including "Star Trek: Voyager" and "CSI" and has had reoccurring roles on "Grounded for Life" and "The O.C." but I wouldn't think that a lot of people would know her.  So much so that I was thinking of doing a HBYNHO article on her but maybe I can skip it now? 

Anyway, she beat Jennifer Garner in round one with a commanding 60.60% to 39.40% vote.  Somewhat surprising but Garner is hot and cold with people.  Round 2 was Autumn Rreeser against a broad named Kristin Chenoweth who, really, isn't that hot but I think she won her first round only because she was up against Gabrielle Union.  Autumn easily beat Kristin 69.60% to 30.40% to move onto round 3 where she had her toughest match against Eva Longoria who had won her own rounds with 60.46% and a whopping 80.29% over Scarlett Johanson.  Autumn SLAYED her 65.5% to 34.5%!  Very, very surprising.

The current matches are:

Head over to the 2006 NC TandA Tournament and vote in the last couple of rounds.  You'll be surprised who's leading who right now in the "Awesome 8" voting so get your vote counted.  And, for the love of all that's Holy, don't let Brooke Burke beat Stacy Keibler to get into the final 4!

3-24-2006

You paid money for this?  On purpose?

Let's see, movie downloads and pirated DVD's from third world countries are putting a cramp in the big studio wallets so their solution; if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  For the low, low price of $40 you can download new movies directly from Universal starting April 10th.

Wait, how much?

I can go and buy two DVD's in the store for that price, rent all the movies I want from Netflix for two months or probably get 10 rentals from Hollywood Video.  Better yet I can buy a spindle of 100 blank DVD's and have at it the old fashioned way.

Where the fuck is the incentive to pay $40 for one freakin' movie?  Even the movie theater in Ithaca isn't that expensive.

Hey, Universal; Suck it!

Told You So

Islam is such a peaceful and law-abiding religion, what with all the suicide bombers, civil war and hangings because somebody finally wised up and quit that shitty religion.

In the last 5 years I have not heard one single good thing about Islam.  The whole lot of them can have a kink jerked in their neck for all I care.

Asshat of the Day

Today's asshat award goes to Sen. John Ensign for blocking the promotion of Coast Guard Vice Admiral Thad Allen.  Thad Allen, the man in charge of the ONLY organization during the Katrina debacle in New Orleans that actually did a damn thing to save lives.  The only man that didn't shit his pants and run, didn't spend camera time with Bush getting congratulated and didn't point fingers at what everyone else did wrong.

Senator Ensign, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Wimps

Goddamn this country is becoming full of fucking pussies.  Now the Maryland legislature is looking to pass rules requiring face masks and other protective gear for Little League baseball players.

WTF?  If your kid is too slow to get out of the way of a pitch then maybe he's in the wrong sport.  Besides, every once in a while a batter deserves to get one right in the ear hole. 

No wonder the USA team was eliminated from the World Baseball Classic so easily.  I guarantee you that Cuba and Japan don't coddle their Little Leaguers like this.  This country is doing nothing but raising a generation of wimps that'll be primed to sue at the drop of the hat. 

Can't spell a word, sue till you get advanced to the state spelling bee.  Fail a class, sue your teacher because he didn't give you enough help.  Get hit in the back by a pitch, sue for assault and battery. 

Get the fuck out of here.

Now This You Should Worry About

Remember when that Dubai company wanted to run ports in the US and everyone panicked because they thought, incorrectly, that the actual security would be taken out of our hands? 

Well, now that security actually HAS been taken out of our hands.  How much you wanna bet this one goes unnoticed by Congress?

3-23-2006

I don't know, it's classier I guess.

Gay Sheep?

The Political Correctness police in the UK have gone insane.  Their most recent cleansing appears to be changing the lyrics to "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" to "Baa, Baa, Rainbow Sheep" so as not to offend anyone.

Apparently they haven't figured out yet that rainbow = gay, thus offending a whole other set of sensitive, weepy people. 

Supposedly, according to the article, to expand the vocabulary of the kids they will also be using other words such as "sad, blue, pink, black, white, happy, hopping, and bouncing" thus offending people with bipolar disease, Democrats, Liberals, African-Americans (or is that British-Africans? Fuckit, blacks) whites, Ritalin kids, rabbits and Tigger.

Good going Britain.

3-22-2006

The word "felony" is so accurate, please don't use it.

Everyone's favorite Florida child molester is now a free woman.  Well, except for that three year house arrest and seven years of probation. 

Season Finale

Last night was the season finale for "The Shield" and what a fucking ending it was.  Totally had me on the edge of my seat for all 90 minutes.  "Shield" is still one of the best shows on TV and I can not wait for the next season.  Unfortunately that probably won't be till January 2007. 

I hope "Thief" which starts next week is good.  Oh, and "Nip/Tuck" and "Rescue Me" should be back in time for summer.  But still, I can't wait to see how Mackey and the boys get out of this one.

What goes around

Apparently doesn't come around.  In the age of shady wiretaps and email snooping the government agency in the forefront of homeland security, the FBI, can't even get email addresses for all their agents.

Maybe AOL should stop sending me 10,000 hour disks and forward them to the FBI.

3-21-2006

What the fuck!?

The Dallas Cowboys, in news that slipped past me for 2 days, signed that motherfucking malcontent Terrell Owens to a contract on Saturday.  This is the same guy that came into their own stadium and disrespected them.

It's almost as bad as the Yankees who were fond of being a pit stop on the Coke and Whores Tour of former Mets players like Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden.

Not since Leon Lett's "sleet bowl" mishap have I seen such a boneheaded move by Dallas...Oh, wait, Chan Gailey.  Eh.  Still, neither of them tried to hold 2-a-days in their front yard for the press.

Granted, T.O. is a flashy player that can carry a game if he has to and, I admit, that I felt the same way when Deon Sanders came to Dallas and he eventually worked out.  Still, I think Dallas could have gone another direction and still come out ahead.  Probably for cheaper and definitely with a guy that's less of an ass.

Huh?

According to the president of Turkmenistan if you read his philosophical writings three times you "will find spiritual wealth, will become more intelligent, will recognize the divine being and will go straight to heaven."

In other news, if you read NetEnigma.com three times you will find yourself spiritually bereft, become a drooling mouth breather, realize there is no god and go straight to a porn filled hell.

One....

Goddamn it!

I love "24."  I've loved every fault, shortcoming and high point of that little bastard show and even though they've trotted out similar plot devices every year it will still crawl in your head and fuck with you.  And that's what makes it so cool.  And it's always done it in the last 5 minutes right before you get that fucking clock ticking down the last seconds of the hour.

It's the cliché of this type of show that anyone can go at any minute if it'll advance the plot.  That's been proven over and over every season as one character after the next is tossed under the bus.

Two weeks ago Edgar (and 3/4 of CTU):  Greyhound

Last week, Tony Almeida and Lynn McGill:  Trailways.

This week, Audrey Raines:  Short Line.

Next week, Wayne Palmer by Peter Pan? 

I don't know but the ending last night...goddamn it!

3-20-2006

Well, there's your problem.

So I noticed yesterday as I was unwrapping a DVD that there is a ton of crap on the case you have to open.  First, it's wrapped in plastic then they have those fucking annoying "security device enclosed" stickers on three sides.  Then, of course, is the security device itself which is usually stuck to the inside of the case somewhere.

And it hit me; they put three times as much security into the damn DVD cases on store shelves than they put into on-line protection.  It is, in fact, easier to download a movie than to unwrap the freakin' store bought case.  No wonder people are downloading, they don't want to have to deal with the garbage and crap the DVD manufacturers make you buy and dispose of.

Anniversary

Welcome to the beginning of year 4 of the Iraq war.

3-19-2006

What are you talking about? Are you high?

When Good Ideas Go Bad.

How about a hybrid gas/electric car that gets 330mpg and has a top speed of 95mph?  Sounds good in theory and if they could do that with, say, a Honda Prelude I'd be pretty happy and may actually buy a Jap car. 

However, as you can see by the pictures in the article, this little 3-wheeler made of composite material would be nothing more than a bug on a windshield on most American highways.  Seriously, could you picture trying to drive this thing in Pennsylvania?

You'd be dead.

Great technology but let's put it in a realistic vehicle.  Preferably one that's only as likely to get run over as your average 2-door Honda or Toyota.

When Geeks Attack

Marvel and DC are trying to trademark the word "super-hero" so that they can, I don't know, harass other comic companies or something.  But, according to the geeks at boingboing.com, they're "crooked word-thieves."

Whatever their motives, I don't think Marvel and DC have a right to the word "super-hero."  I hope the courts see that the same way as they did in the case of Damon Wayans trying to trademark the word "nigga."

3-17-2006

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  I think I'm gonna get drunk tonight.

They're dying!

Like spicy food?  It may just save your life.   According to that article the capsaicin in hot peppers will cause cancer cells in the prostrate to commit suicide.

Sort of the same reaction your cube mates will have when you blow ass after a lunch of naked hot wings at Hooters.

I wonder if if the effects of eating peppers is cumulative?  If so, my prostrate should be good for life.  Hooray Hooters!

Still smarter

If you think the Indian kids have their hands full kicking our ass at spelling then prepare yourself to find out they're good at math also.

American students now second only to France in surrendering, could win that race with a little less effort.

3-15-2006

At what point did the Earth come off it's axis?

Bend Over

A judge has ruled that Google needs to turn over search terms that have been entered on their search site.  It's part of a case that's going to be in the courts later this year where the government is arguing for stiffer protections against pornography.  It's part of the COPA law that got passed a couple years ago.

Google was the only one of the heavy hitter search engines that had held back (Yahoo, MSN, etc had already given up the info) till now.  With this ruling it looks like they won't be holding out for long.

It's well known that Google does track IP addresses along with the search terms being used, but that much isn't being asked for....yet.

Ripped off

Apparently running bracket games using hot girls instead of, say, college basketball teams is now all the rage.  Welcome to 2003...you know, when we ran the "128 Hottest Chicks we could think of" game.  These guys are only running 64 girls. 

Amateurs.

Where's our fat royalty check?

Today in WTF?

The only terrorist standing trial for the 9/11 attack, Zacaria Moussaoui, is still up for the death penalty in his case...that's the good news.  The bad news is that the asshats prosecuting him botched the witness prep and got a bunch of their testimony thrown out of court.

The irony factor is immeasurable that this fucker, who hates America, now has a good chance at getting out of the ideal sentence in his case due to the very laws that he hates.

I say they just skip the trial and go straight to the 2,000 volts through the head.

Follow-up

Remember the hot Panther cheerleaders that got caught having sex in a bathrrom down in Florida?  Their cases have been settled in court.

Victoria Renee Thomas

Angela Keathley

I'm waiting for the lesbian spread in "Hustler."  I'd settle for a "Playboy" spread though.

3-9-2006

I want so bad to be competent.

And the American slide in world sports continues as a bunch of Canadian minor leaguers threw Team USA under the bus yesterday in the World Baseball Classic putting us in the unenviable position of having to beat South Africa to even stay in the tourney.

USA lost 8-6 even with Jason Varitek hitting a grand slam.  Poor.  Sounds like bad pitching early in the game but still, poor showing overall.

In other news, George Steinbrenner was seen scouting minor league teams with a bottle of Molson in hand and wearing a "Got Baseball, eh?" T-shirt.

Microsoft Live

Get ready for Microsoft to take on Google with their new Internet search tool Live.  I looked at it yesterday and at first glance, I don't like it.

It has some interesting features on the front page, you can even drag the content to new locations within the Internet Explorer window which is kind of innovative.  However, I thought it was running a little slow so I closed up all my browsers, dumped my cache and started it up from scratch.

At the same time I launched Google.com in an IE window, entered a search and got a page of results...flip back to Live and it was still loading up.  Meh.  The Image search seems to work okay and has a new spin on the thumbnail view that Google gave us a couple years ago.

It's still in beta and is it's own site but when it goes, well, live, they'll incorporate it back into the MSN site as the default search tool there.  I'm sure when the new Internet Explorer 7 goes into release we'll see the new built-in search box tied into Live.

Oh, and the site is either a little finicky or I'm missing a plug-in because I couldn't get it to load at home. 

Spit or Swallow

A new lawsuit is being sent to U.S. District Court in Michigan saying that the father of an unwanted child should have the ability to opt out of paying his child support.  They're calling it "Roe v Wade for Men."

First off, as bad as it sounds, there's really not a ton of recourse when men don't pay their child support in the first place so is giving them the ability to not pay a good thing?  Maybe, maybe not.

If a married couple has a kid that they agree on and then split up, the guy is on the hook.  It's his kid, he should own it.  But if they are just dating and she gets pregnant, intentional or not, without his consent, shouldn't he have some rights?

Independent of this particular case, what if the condom fails, he shoots a .01-percenter past the IUD or she forgets her pill?  Is the dude shit out of luck on making decisions if she wants to keep the kid?  I think there's an argument for no.

As it is right now guys get the short end of the stick when it comes to relationships anyway.  Get divorced and almost always the woman gets the kids, the house and the fat alimony check. 

A woman screams rape after a long night in the hay...guilty till proven innocent. 

Child molestation?  Strike two.

"He beat the shit out of me, officer."  Strike three, hit the bench, there's room over next to Team USA.

Maybe there should be something that says a guy can get out of paying up if he's left out of the decision on whether or not to have a kid.  In this situation it sounds like his girlfriend either had bad advice on her ability to have kids, or she lied.  I think the guy's right, though, the court is probably going to say it's not fair but make sure that check doesn't bounce.

I have another important question in all of this; how the fuck did a computer geek get laid in the first place?  If you see horsemen riding through the streets of Saginaw, don't be surprised.

3-6-2006

So I'm gonna go in the back and cry and cry and drink.

The Academy Awards were on last night and I continue to boycott actually watching them.  However, I'm happy to see that there was a pretty good variety of winners this year.  No major sweep by any one film and that's a good thing to see when there honestly wasn't one single movie this year that looked to be that good.

I'm also happy that the Academy voters didn't just cave in and give awards to films just because they stirred up some controversy or a couple shirts sold on eBay for $100K.

Best Picture

The big award of the night went to Crash and I'm pretty happy with that.  It was an interesting movie with a lot of great acting and the way the story brought all of the players into each others lives was brilliant.

Of all the nominated movies the only one I've seen is Crash.  I have every intention of seeing Good Night, and Good Luck and Capote but I don't know if I'll bother with Munich.  I'll probably see Brokeback Mountain eventually but I'm not really in a big hurry. 

I'm happy with Crash, as I said, but I'm a little happier with the fact that Brokeback didn't win.  The reason is because I believe that no matter how good the story may be, if the love story was between a man and a woman, it probably wouldn't even have made  the list.  I'd rather not see a film win just because of the sex of the main characters and apparently the Academy didn't think so either.

Best Actor

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Best Actor?  Brilliant choice!  That guy is always awesome and it's good to see that he now has one defining role under his belt and the award to prove it.

This category was a toss up as far as I was concerned.  I don't think there was an actor on the list that wouldn't have deserved it this year.

Best Supporting Actor

George Clooney?  Sure.  I know a lot of people who don't like the guy but I generally like his films.  I may be a little more surprised that he won for Syriana rather than directing or writing for Good Night but a win is a win. 

Best Actress

I think Reese Witherspoon was probably the best choice.  Charlize Theron already got hers for Monster so I can't really feel bad for her.  Judy Dench and Felicity Huffman, on the other hand, were in two movies that I hadn't even heard of until the awards season got here.  Gimme a break, a woman playing a man becoming a woman?  Didn't "Nip/Tuck" do that last season?  Old and busted. 

And no matter how much I'm in love with Keira Knightley, when her role is the only thing nominated for a "main" award you have to wonder about the entire film.  The girl is young and talented, she'll have her shot at a much better role in a much better picture.

Best Supporting Actress

I also like Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener.  It didn't matter how hot she was in both of the Mummy movies, she wasn't going to get an award for them so I'm glad she had the chance here.

Catherine Keener would have made a good choice for this award as well.  That lady is a really great actress and anyone that could play the straight man to Steve Carell deserves an award!

Best Director

I'm kind of surprised that Ang Lee won for Brokeback when that film didn't win any of the other top honors.  Quite often the director award goes with the best film award, but not always.  Ang Lee is definitely a good director, even if he did put out Hulk.

Winning over Spielberg is definitely no small accomplishment either.  I do think that Paul Haggis did a great job on Crash though and it's too bad he couldn't get a directing award to go with the best picture win.

3-2-2006

Good, you're here...I love an audience.

Lindsay Lohan appears to have gained back some of the weight she lost last year and she has her hair dyed black now...it looks much better than blonde.  The freckles, on the other hand, still freak me out.

Boob looks good though.

So I thought it over

I thought about the whole ports deal with the UAE company and I think the US should sign the deal.  Not because I've necessarily seen the light (no matter what, US Customs and Coast Guard are still responsible for the security) but just because the news reporters are making such a big deal out of it. 

And we all know that 3/4 of them can't find their ass with both hands anyway.

But beyond that, think about this; if a handful of cartoons in Europe can set the entire Muslim world to rioting imagine how it's going to look when a bunch of shithead politicians cancel a contract with a Middle East company.