News Archive - June 2003
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6-26-2003
Net Enigma. Let's get ready to RUUUUUUUUU.....Nah, that's somebody else's shtick.
Welcome to Thursdays edition of "Hot Broads You've Never Heard Of." The FOX network has a mid-season replacement show running right now as a summer series (thanks to reality shows it didn't play this spring) called "Keen Eddie." It's about a NYC cop that gets loaned to Scotland Yard in England. Yay. The best part of the series, well, two best parts anyway, are the hot broads in Eddie's life. One Fiona Bickerton played by Sienna Miller and Miss Moneypenny (not her characters real name but what Eddie calls her) played by Rachael Buckley.
Actually, there are a lot of other good parts to the series, but they don't fit in with the HBYNHO feature. Anyway, I couldn't find a picture, or even a reference for that matter, of Rachael Buckley but fear not, for your viewing pleasure I have not one, not two, but three pictures of the gorgeous Sienna.
Sienna with some clothes | Without some clothes | Still without some clothes
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Corporate Stupidity
Like Wal-Mart? For some things. Like their take on decency and morals? Not so much. It's been interesting watching MSNBC lately. Nightly you can see shows like "Hardball," "Scarborough Country" and others that are either really Left or Right but not really in the middle. And they all bitch at each other. This article is very Left and that's fine, whatever.
But let's face it, except for the press, Washington and Ithaca, I don't think America is that extreme. Let's face it, what red-blooded American male doesn't like his rock music, guns, naked broads and beer? We all love it. I like going to Wal-Mart for cheap shit like soap and oil for the car, maybe a windshield wiper or something, but that's about it. I bitch that Ithaca doesn't have a store but that's more because the stores we do have are either too expensive (K-Mart) or just don't have the stock (Target). But, read that article and take what you will from it.
Hates a lawsuit
The RIAA has officially gone off the deep end. They are now going to start issuing lawsuits and fines for on-line file sharing. According to that article they fine can be anywhere from $750 to $150,000 for EACH song. So, basically if I were to share my entire collection of MP3's they could, theoretically, fine me for $676,650,000. I don't even think Bill Gates could come up with that much cash.
I have a much more realistic number for them, $16.99. That's the price for each album that I now refuse to buy. Here's another, $0.99. That's the amount of money I refuse to spend to download any single song. If I can't download it or borrow it I guess I'll do without. Because let's face it, on any given album there are about 3 songs that I'm interested in. I'm not paying $3 for them and I'm certainly not investing in the whole album.
My argument on this whole thing is still that the artist that makes the music isn't going to see a dime of this cash. They get paid, do the album and the record industry rakes in the profit from it. I'm sure that some of the larger acts like Metallica, Aerosmith, Faith Hill and Dr. Dre make their cash but smaller bands just starting out aren't making crap. I'd be more willing to log onto a web site for Creed, Our Lady Peace, or Evanescence and pay them directly for a tune than to log onto, say, Apple.com. If the people making the music were making the money I'd be happy. But paying The Man for somebody else's work just sucks.
6-24-2003
Net Enigma. Uh, Mr. The Plague, something weird is happening on the net.
So the Supreme Court ruled on an Affirmative Action case up in Michigan about college admissions. Basically they said that it's okay for a college to take race into consideration when admitting students. At the same time, though, they said that it wasn't okay for the college to give points for race the way they have been.
Basically they gave 20 points right off the bat for a minority student. That was much higher than the number of points you could get for SAT scores. So, get a 1600 on your SAT and be white, don't get in. Get 500 and be, say, black, SCORE!
Know what I think? Affirmative Action is a terrible idea. Minorities in this country want all the rules to favor them but God forbid that any rules don't help them. Racial profiling? Hell NO, they say. Get into college cause great, great, great Granddaddy was Mexican? Sure!
We're always hearing about how minorities just want equal treatment but they still want to be able to check the box and get something for nothing.
When I was at SUNY Morrisville I had two roommates from NYC. They were both there on a program (that I forget the name of now) that helped not only minorities but lower income students get into college. It wasn't really Affirmative Action but it helped get a lot of city kids into college. The program was really great. The guys had to work hard at it and take some extra courses but they benefited by getting tuition breaks and things like that. They were there because they had earned it, not because it was given to them.
I'm a firm believer that you get what you earn. I graduated high school, took my SAT tests and got into college because of it, not because I have blonde hair and I'm over 6' tall. I got into the advanced English classes because I tested into them, not because I wear glasses and a size 14 shoe. I think you should get a job or into college because you have the qualifications or the grades not because your parents moved here from East Asia.
6-20-2003
Net Enigma. Wait, so I'm evil because I brought a bunch of girls on a camping trip and DIDN'T touch them?
Something has to go. I'm not sure what, but something. I'm down to the last 20MB of storage space on my web server so I have to clean house. Not that I don't love you or don't want you to have your fill of porn and hot broads or anything, but I'm a cheap bastard.
You're getting all this wonderful content for free (no comments on the 11 day break in updates!) and I've never asked for a cent...so I can't really afford to increase my storage space. That means I have to take an hour or so this weekend and trim some fat off the server. I'll probably ax some old porn and jokes and maybe an event or two from the Party Up! page. So, get your fill of all the old stuff before it disappears.
But, fear not...clearing that up just means more room for new pictures. Like these cool ones from Treman State Park.
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Play Ball
Playing a little softball after work tonight. It's going to be fun. I hear there's a keg laid on as well as dinner coming from The Dinosaur in Syracuse. So, who the hell cares if we're playing softball too?! Hope it doesn't rain, should be a good time.
Hulk Smash!
Today is opening day for the new Hulk movie. I think this thing is going to be really good. I'll have a review for you as soon as I get to see it. The more trailers I've seen the more I'm psyched for it though. The first trailer I saw for it months ago looked kind of bad but these last few, man, it's tight. That's what ILM can do for you!
9mm's all around
Four 9mm bullets to the temple and the world will be a better place. Riots in Michigan, gang murders in Philly...this country is starting to sound like Baghdad. That's just not right. I say we start handing out capital punishment like PEZ and see how much further this goes.
6-9-2003
Net Enigma. I've got a funny story about that; remember when I didn't graduate?
I was going to write a review about Jean Claude Van Damme's Derailed but you know, I think I can sum it up in two words. IT SUCKED!
I don't even need to go into details about it. Let's just say that if I saw Van Damme hug his wife one more fucking time I was going to shoot my TV. Every bad idea and cliché you could ever come up with to put in a terror movie got trotted out for this piece of shit. This thing was so bad even a monkey wouldn't waste his time to fling it around. So don't get caught wasting your time on it either. And while you're at it, don't ever see Seconds to Spare which was almost exactly the same movie as this one...only it had Antonio Sabato Jr. in it.
6-7-2003
Net Enigma. It's a big stereo. Speakers so loud they blow women's clothes off.
Can you think of a better way to spend a day off than lunch at the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que and movies at the mall? Didn't think so. Headed up to Syracuse on Friday and saw Wrong Turn and The Italian Job. Both movies were very good, as was the food from the Dinosaur. Check out the reviews.
Wrong Turn
Wrong Turn is an old-school horror movie. Six twenty-something's get caught on a back road in West Virginia and one by one are picked off by some inbred hillbilly cannibals. Fun and gore. It's been a long time since I was actually scared enough during a movie to jump out of my seat. I jumped about three times during this flick.
As the movie opens we meet Chris who takes a shortcut along a back road to miss traffic on the highway. He meets up with the other five stars of the movie when he runs into the back of their truck which, it turns out, was stopped by a barbed wire trap in the road. Let the hunt begin.
Like any horror movie this one has it's clichés; if you go into the woods alone you probably aren't coming back, if you have sex you're probably going to die sooner than the other characters and if you're the outsider of the gang you'll probably live and get the hot broad.
But that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy watching the movie anyway. Part of the scariness in this flick stems from the fact that as strange as it seems, yes, it could be possible that you could end up being hunted through the forests of West Virginia. I mean, it's not like this movie is about robots coming back in time or something.
One of the stand-out things about this movie is the casting for the girls. Where else, in theaters this week, can you catch a movie with three top-shelf hotties like Eliza Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui and Lindy Booth? That's right, nowhere. Granted, there wasn't enough T&A in this flick but anytime you can see Booth's boobs sticking out of her shirt or Dushku in low-rise jeans it can't be that bad.
If you get a chance hit this movie in theaters because it's more fun when you can watch other people jump out of their seats with you. Or, wait for the DVD and sit in the dark and watch it...and hope that creaking tree outside isn't really Saw-Tooth coming to get you. Three wheels of cheddar out of four.
What kind of job was that again?
Knowing that this movie was a remake of an older British film I wasn't sure if The Italian Job would stand up. But when you see a line-up of actors like Ed Norton, Charlize Theron, Mark Wahlberg, Donald Sutherland, Jason Statham and Seth Green you have to give it a chance.
Now, if you've read my reviews of Wahlberg movies before, you'll know that I pick on the guy for sporting about three facial expressions. Well, he has his good moments and this movie was full of them. As the leader of a gang of thieves he sets up a job to steal $35 million in gold bars from a safe in Venice, Italy. Things go well till the gang is double-crossed by Norton who kills Sutherland and makes off with the booty.
The plot advances as Wahlberg tracks down Norton in order to steal back the gold and avenge the murder of Sutherland. Enlisting Sutherland's daughter, Theron, a plan is hatched and executed.
Being a huge fan of Statham from such movies as The Transporter, and Snatch I was hoping for a little more spotlight for his character but in a buddy movie like this everyone has to share. I liked his part and really hope to see him in some more mainstream American films.
Seth Green is a great actor and, I think, underrated in Hollywood today. Although I have to admit, there aren't a ton of roles for a short, skinny, redhead on the West Coast these days. He really shines in this movie as the computer hacker of the group. His skills are highlighted by his monologue as he watches Statham's character con his way into a van, and a hot chicks pants.
Norton and Theron are always great to watch and Wahlberg was smooth in this film. Hot car chases, cool effects and some incredible boat driving give the action junky something to gawk at. The plot is pretty tight and well acted from start to finish. I think that this movie got buried under the weight of Matrix, Bruce Almighty and Finding Nemo and wish that it had gotten an opening earlier in the spring. It's good, but not really summer blockbuster good.
Get to the theater and see this one for no other reason than to let Hollywood know that there is a market for this type of movie. Great dialogue, fantastic acting and enough action make this movie ripe for multiple viewings. Can't wait for the DVD. Three and a half wheels of cheddar out of four.
6-2-2003
Net Enigma. SARS for everyone.
I was in Philly this past weekend hanging out with Finley and Ralph. Had a fun time Friday night even though we went to karaoke night at a local bar. Ralph did a nice rendition of "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 but Finley couldn't quite cut it on Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Chalk that up to a cold which blew his voice out. We'll blame it on SARS.
Originally I was going to sit down with Ralph's band, Qualler for an interview but we kind of changed that up. Partly due to the fact that I really didn't come up with any questions to ask them and the fact that they were all pretty busy. So, I'll just give them another plug for their web site. Plug. By the way, they have show dates now!
Evil is as evil does
Last night I watched a movie called Evil Never Dies and apparently, neither does the endless parade of crappy movies.
So basically the story goes like this, cop (henceforth referred
to as Ryan) chases serial killer (henceforth referred to as SK), SK
kills Ryan's wife, Ryan goes nuts cause it happened in his house
while he was home, SK is executed, comes back to life and tries to
frame Ryan for copycat murders.
Now, that's funky enough, but because Ryan is all distressed he
gets a job as liaison between the police department and a college
security office. This just happens to be the campus where a secret,
highly advanced medical program is going on that has the ultimate
goal of resurrecting a human. Crappy horror ensues.
One event leads to the next as Ryan kills a burglar in the medical
center of the college who, it turns out, was smuggling the body of
the dead SK in. By the way, how does a guy get the dead body of an
SK, which has been suspiciously frozen for preservation, anyway?
Cause, you know, I'd like to maybe hook that up for a party favor
at next years Halloween party.
Anyway, the mad scientist in charge uses the dead SK for his secret
experiment (how we got here is a long story and really, do you
care?) and brings him back to life. Now, it just happens that a
campus security guard sees the doctor doing the experiment and
calls Ryan who arrives just in time to arrest the doctor.
Unfortunately, the serial killer gets out, kills the campus
security guard and the doctor while Ryan is with the doctors
hot
assistant.
Everyone looks at Ryan and thinks he's copycatting the SK but he
knows the truth behind all this (of course no one believes him).
Boring shit happens for a while and then the biggest travesty of
the movie comes along. Ryan and the
hot
assistant go to the campus to get info about the dead doctors
experiments and the SK shows up. Ryan knocks out a black cop that
gets in his way and takes his gun. The SK kills a cop and takes his
gun (there's a lot of gun stealing in this movie and as an odd
note, they all carry Smith & Wesson .357 revolvers. Um, wholly
marketing ploy..and not only that, but why do so many cops carry
six guns in this town?).
The SK has gloves on so that he doesn't leave any fingerprints
on the gun he steals. Then he grabs the
hot
assistant and gets Ryan to give up his gun. The SK then shoots
another cop then shoots Ryan in the leg. He drops the gun, picks up
the gun that Ryan took from the black cop (which isn't dead) and
takes the girl. Ryan picks up the gun (WHAT A FUCKIN' IDIOT!!!! HE
SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT ALONE AND THEN NONE OF HIS FINGERPRINTS WOULD
BE ON IT.) and heads downstairs where he's promptly arrested.
Let's take a break, because are you following this? If not, don't
worry, watching the movie probably wouldn't help you.
Now, any good CSI, as we know from the outstanding show on CBS,
would test Ryan for gunshot residue, which there wouldn't be any
because he didn't fire the gun, then they'd test the bullets from
the cop and Ryan's leg. Since they came from the same gun, how is
that possible? It isn't. He didn't get the gun from the first dead
cop because if that cop had shot him there would be a blood trail
from there to the second dead cop. The second dead cop didn't shoot
him because he still has his gun. Oh, and it isn't self inflicted
because the shot would have come from a distance and the angle
would be all wrong.
So the police arrest Ryan, take him in and when his ex-partner
comes in he finds out that they never ran any of the evidence that
he had collected at the scene of the crime when the doctor was
killed. Not to mention the fact that they never seemed to figure
out from the
hot
assistants testimony that Ryan was with her when the security
guard was killed and that the van with the doctor was gone when
they came back out of the science building.
Blah, blah, blah I can't believe I'm recapping this entire fucking
movie. So, uncalled for plot twists, poor attempts at shock and awe
and dead people litter the rest of the film. The end? Of course
Ryan kills the SK and suddenly the cops show up and realize that he
was telling the truth and we're left to assume that all is
forgiven.
It's fine that I have to suspend disbelief in order to watch a
horror/sci-fi/mystery movie but am I supposed to believe that they
can resurrect a dead man but they can't run a fuckin' GSR test?
Give me a break.
I don't know, am I that cynical that I have to pick a movie apart
like this? I guess. But I see so much crap on TV and in theaters
that it really pisses me off that I get stuck with it when there
are so many better shows and movies that get shit-canned or never
made (for whatever reason). I sat through this damn movie because I
thought it might be half-way descent. I should have put 25th
Hour in instead. Maybe I'll do that tonight.
To sum up, 1 moldy wheel of cheddar out of 4. Avoid this movie at
all possible costs