News Archive - September 2005
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9-29-2005
He's also got a real gambling, booze, strippers problem.
Life imitates crappy Net Enigma pseudo-news.
Colorado Connection
Looks like my boy Scott is going to be in town for the Thanksgiving holiday. Taking time away from the beauty of the mid-west must be such a chore.
Hilary duff is...
"not quite old enough so
I ain't never seen a butt like that
maybe next year I'll say ass and she'll make my pee pee go da-doing doing doing"
Yo, Em, guess who's legal now.
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Holy shit
It's a fuckin' happy parade! Oh, wait, it's just those wacky New Zealanders.
9-28-2005
Do you ever wake up in the morning and realize nobody likes you...and care?
Michael Brown is a tool. Apparently he didn't really do anything wrong with the FEMA response for Hurricane Katrina.
Right. And I scored 1600 on my SAT test, I'm banging super models nightly and monkeys might fly out of my butt at any time.
Like I've said before, there is plenty of blame to go around for the problems in New Orleans but if this guy was any good at his job he'd have woken some people up on the phone and pushed the support that FEMA was supposed to give into NO without sitting back and being asked for it.
And the fact that he's still on the payroll as a consultant...Don't even get me started. I guess in the Bush administration even when you admit to fucking up it doesn't really mean anything.
One of the scariest things to come out of this entire fiasco is the talk about repealing the Posse Comitatus act which basically states that US military, under federal control, can't act as law enforcement on US soil. You know, sort of like they do in places like China and North Korea.
Watch the movie The Siege some time. Maybe that might be a look at what the US could turn into...only without Denzel saving the day.
A little longer
So it looks like the approval of the .xxx domain name has been shelved for a while longer. Seems that nobody can agree on whether or not the addition of this suffix is a good or bad thing.
The anti-porn people think that it legitimizes the adult industry. Hello, it's ALREADY legitimized. They claim that the .xxx domain will make porn more easily accessible and create another on-line outlet. I guess they never thought of the positive side (positive to their view, not Net Enigma) which would be allowing parents to block all .xxx domains from their home keeping it away from their kids.
With adult sites using .com domains it's MUCH harder for filtering software to block it out.
The downside for the porn industry, though, is that once they're all grouped together it'll be easier for governments to target them for censorship and whatnot.
I don't know, if they just put a .xxx domain out there and make it voluntary to use it and there aren't any restrictions placed on web sites using it, I still think it would be fun to do NetEnigma Triple-X.
9-27-2005
Never underestimate 15 beers, a little enlightenment and the power of Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock.
And that's how the most underrated actor in Hollywood ended the first episode of his new TV series, "My Name is Earl." Yes, boys and girls, Jason Lee has a sitcom on NBC, Tuesday nights at 9:00. Last week was the first episode and it was a half hour of non-stop laughs.
I urge everyone to watch this show. And also run out and buy the new 10th anniversary edition of Mallrats that came out on DVD last week. I picked it up but haven't watched it yet, probably this coming weekend.
Pleased to be meeting you
My name is Dr. Paul Mumbato and I'm writing you from the country of Nigeria where I'm aide to the President. We would like to be sending you $1 million dollars to your bank account as we need to transfer this money out of the country in these times of tragedy in our country.
So, please, Mr. Bittok, if you could email us with your bank account information we would like to transfer this moneys as soon as possible.
Interesting article
How about a top 10 list of the worst technology products over the last 10 years? CNET does a proud list so go check it out.
I'm pretty happy that both Microsoft BOB and Me made the list. Worthless pieces of trash...
Hmm...
I wonder if this is true? I couldn't find anything else quick to back it up so take it for what it's worth; an article from a newspaper in a country who's ass we kicked back in 1776.
Heh, I'm just kiddin' Britain. But it is an interesting thought. What if Bush asked for money from American citizens for the Iraq war and nobody donated? Well, except for the $4-a-gallon gas and the taxes and stuff.
Listen, if you read this site you know I think Iraq has become one huge cluster fuck. And even though we get rid of Bush in 3 years (long, long, looooong fucking years), the fact of the matter is we'll be paying for this war for a long time. Or at least till June 1, 2014.
9-19-2005
"I take it the odds...are...against us and...the situation...is grim."
The Nexus is approaching Earth and unless Michael Bay can build us a space ark to take the best and brightest to Andromeda, human existence will be snuffed out on June 1, 2014.
No comment from Dylan Hunt about whether or not he'll actually let us crash on his ship when we get there.
In other news
Net Enigma has now used up its sci-fi reference quota for 2005. Geek quota in the red.
9-16-2005
You need to be verbally housebroken.
Britney Spears has a baby boy and word is his name is Preston Michael Spears Federline.
Fark.com credited with first P.M.S. joke.
How much?
NASA has a plan to put people on the moon by 2018 and it'll only cost $100 billion dollars.
No word if that will include building levees to hold back the Sea of Tranquility.
9-14-2005
If you start a half-assed morality argument with me again I will beat you till your heart stops.
Proving he's become irrelevant, Louis Farrakhan chimes in 2 weeks after hurricane Katrina with some useless jabs at the Red Cross and FEMA. He's also discovered a 25' crater in the levee proving someone targeted blacks in New Orleans with a devastating flood.
Right.
Because Texas, not yet totally overrun with illegal Mexican immigrants, needed 200,000 people living in shelters around the state. And I'm sure spending $100 billion on evacuating and housing the refugees and rebuilding New Orleans was a much better option than just sending them their welfare checks.
Update
Remember Debra Lafave, the hot Florida teacher that was arrested for sleeping with her 14 y/o student? Well, it seems now that the police took some very revealing photos of her.
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Net Enigma will not sleep till those pictures are leaked.
French?
As much as I like to get my news from the MSNBC hotties like Natalie Morales and Alison Stewart, I would gladly learn French to have my news delivered by Melissa Theuriau.
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Holy God this girl is hot.
9-13-2005
Is there any money in it?
Some people hate Wal-Mart so much they'll actually hire temp workers to carry picket signs in front of stores protesting their terrible wages ($10.17 per hour) and shitty health insurance ($17.50 biweekly) coverage.
But there's good news, you'll make $6 an hour with no benefits...and you'll have to find your own ride to the picket line.
O Canada
I will now refrain from picking on Canada for the rest of the year. FEMA sucks.
9-11-2005
9-10-2005
Tick....Tick....Tick....Tick...
Here that Mike Brown? That's the sound of your career ticking down to an end. You fucking tool.
Finally we're getting someone that may get the job done. This new guy, Coast Guard Vice Adm. Thad Allen, sounds like the right man for the job. Afterall, it was the Coast Guard that was the face of the rescue and relief efforts in NO because they were the only ones (not counting local police and fire) that got off their asses and did anything.
But it's still not over. We've heard for two weeks now how it was the poor that were affected the most in all of this. Now, as we move forward there's the opportunity for some of them to get jobs to help rebuild their own city. That would put money in their pocket as well as helping the city recover faster.
There's just one catch, in his infinite wisdom, W signed an order that will suspend the Davis-Bacon Act which requires contractors on federally funded contracts to pay workers the average prevailing wage in the area in question. This would be about $9 an hour in New Orleans. So the people running the reconstruction are now free to pay workers lower than average wages to rebuild one of the poorest cities in the US.
I'm so happy that Bush won the election last year....
I'll wrap up this weeks coverage of Hurricane Katrina with a news report from Foamy.
In other news...
And with all this going on on the Gulf Coast I think you'll sleep much easier knowing that ExxonMobile will make $10 billion dollars in profit this QUARTER!
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Don't worry about them though, they'll still get their government tax breaks.
Huh?
Seems as if the villains for Spider-Man 3 have been announced and they'll be Sandman, Venom and the Hobgoblin. In an odd twist of events, however, it's being reported that Topher Grace from "That 70's Show" will be Venom.
Hence the "huh?" title for today's entry.
Going, going...
Gone. eBay is looking to expand its business into the on-line telephone arena with the purchase of Skype. You'll now be able to place your calls in 5, 7 or 10 days...if you're the highest bidder.
9-7-2005
"George Bush doesn't care about black people." - Kanye West
I was pretty shocked when he slipped that piece in at the end of his appearance on last Friday's NBC concert for the victims of hurricane Katrina. Not as shocked as Mike Meyers, his co-speaker, was by the look on his face though. NBC couldn't cut away from the two of them fast enough.
He might be right but you can discuss that amongst yourselves.
What I do know is right is that someone, somewhere, fucked up on the Gulf Coast when it comes to relief efforts. I think it has to start, in New Orleans anyway, with the mayor's office where it seems that the evacuation information for a storm like this was nonexistent. Some people knew to go to the Superdome but what about the convention center? Why did it seem like the people in charge didn't know there would be anyone there?
Then you have the National Guard, regular military and FEMA. Although the Guard and military had people pre-staged, the order didn't come for a couple of days to go in. Why weren't there Chinook helicopters dropping food and water and men into the Superdome and convention center on Tuesday? Where were the water buffalo trucks? Where were the first aid stations? Where the fuck was FEMA?
Why was all of the press able to get into NO to do reports but FEMA couldn't? For Christ's sake even Sean Fucking Penn was able to get in there with a boat to look for people!
Where was the Army Corp of Engineers? They didn't seem to show up until Sunday to plug the leak from Lake Pontchartrain. They got it done pretty quickly once they started but why did it take almost a week for them to actually start? Oh, and where was FEMA?
That's right, it seems that even now, 9 days after the hurricane, FEMA still doesn't have their shit together. Maybe it's because the tool running the show, Mike Brown, is still thinking of all this as a big horse show. Mike Brown, you should be fired.
Immediately.
Then shot.
What's even worse is that Brown, Michael Chertoff and even Bush himself have been saying all week that this event was unprecedented and unexpected. Oh, really? This is one issue that doesn't fall squarely on the Bush administration though. It seems that people have been pushing for levee upgrades and barrier island restoration projects for years but nobody was listening. I am happy though, that while Bush diverted money from NO to the Iraq war he did find the time to send $223 million (part of a larger $1.04 billion package) to Alaska to build a useless bridge.
As far as I'm concerned Mike Brown, Michael Chertoff and the whole lot of them should be out on their ear. I nominate Rudy Giuliani and Aaron Broussard from Jefferson Parish in Louisiana to replace them. After 9/11 Rudy was on the streets helping his fire and police commissioners get things going and the job got done. And listening to Broussard this week he seems to be one of the only people with his shit together in LA at this point.
All is not bleak in Louisiana and Mississippi though. The Red Cross is there working with people, the Salvation Army is getting clothes and food to people and the Coast Guard is still rescuing people from New Orleans. The Coast Guard, I might add, didn't get bogged down in any crap, they've been yanking people from danger since LAST Tuesday. And, of course, the local church groups and regular people from around the country that have driven supplies down to the Gulf. Those guys seem to know what they're doing.
9-1-2005
Tired.
Have you guys been watching reports coming in from New Orleans and Mississippi? Man, that's a mess down there. It looks like south Asia did after the tsunami last year. Everything's gone or under water.
Sitting in all that water in New Orleans has to really suck. Gas, oil, chemicals, shit, dead people and animals and soon dead fish. Not to mention all the creepy crawlies they have, the snakes and gators. What a mess.
And it's going to cause problems in the rest of the country as well. Gas prices jumped $0.20 in the three hours from the time I got back from lunch at 1:00 till I left work at 4:00. That's fucked up. How can they tell me that the gas in the tanks went up that much in 3 hours because of a storm in the south? Maybe in a couple weeks when the supply of gas actually costs more than what's already refined and in the system now, but not today. Those prices have to impact rescue efforts as well.
I've always had respect for the Army Corp of Engineers but I have to tell you, I think someone screwed the pooch on the whole levee and dyke system down there. Granted, the storm surge was unheard of and things can break when they are overwhelmed, but there are 16 million people in the Netherlands, who live below sea level, that are shaking their heads at this one.
And don't get me started on the looting going on. If you're stuck somewhere and need water, food and shelter, go get it anywhere you can. But if you're breaking into ATM machines, stealing TVs, guns and raping Wal-Mart for everything not nailed down, you should be shot on site.