News Archive - November 2004
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11-24-2004
Net Enigma. Wholly reporting error, Batman!
That whole rant on the killings in "Michigan?" Well, it's Wisconsin. Oops. I guess I had the whole Basketball brawl on my mind when I wrote that. Fixt.
December
December is right around the corner and every year it brings plenty of things to us. In upstate New York it quite often brings snow. It's a slow time at work as people are taking vacations for the holidays, college and grade school will be letting out soon and people are shopping everywhere for that special gift for Christmas.
The other thing that December brings, for the last 3 years anyway, is Net Enigma's Advent Calendar of Porn.
That's right boys and girls, it's almost time for me to kick off this years Advent calendar and I have to tell you, I think this year may possibly have the hottest chicks yet. So stop back on December 1st and be ready to peel back the first bow!
And with that announcement I leave you for the weekend while I head home to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family. That and spend an evening with Marilyn Manson in PA on Saturday...but that's for a later update.
11-23-2004
Net Enigma. Pucker up, buttercup.
Remember when, during the election, George said he would come back to the White House and pass the 9/11 plan to reform intelligence? Broken promise number one.
Well, okay, in all fairness, not really W's fault. Congress squelched it for some reason and Cheney and Bush have been hollering for them to send them something. But Bush touted his "Political Capital" in his speech after winning the election...Time to pony up.
Be vewy, vewy quiet...
We're hunting deer. Or are we? You have to ask the question; what is a guy named CHAI VANG doing in a deer stand in Wisconsin with an SKS? Killing 6 Wisconsin hunters, that's what.
Now, when I first heard about this I was pretty shocked. Generally hunters are good 'ole boys more prone to maybe suckin' back one to many Cream Ales...but they aren't the type to go bat-shit insane and gun down 8 people over a tree stand. And that number, 8. That's a lot of people to shoot with nobody shooting back? We were talking about it at lunch yesterday and I was trying to do the math on that. How did the shooter (I didn't know any details yet, they were still coming in) get off that many shots without reloading?
I'm thinking shotgun (five + one), maybe a bolt action (again, five + one)...Not getting eight bullets. And I guess I was basing that on NY laws because I was thinking that you could only have a rifle that held about 5 rounds and most shotguns, without a tube extension, only hold about 5 shots even when you take the plugs out. So, it just didn't add up how this guy got 8 people without return fire or people getting away.
Now we know. When you have a 20 round clip in your SKS, well, you have enough to not only shoot 8 people, but you have plenty of leftovers should you run across a deer, bear or al Queda terrorist on your way back to the car.
It'll be interesting to see how the NRA spins this, afterall, even Wayne has said that we don't use assault weapons to hunt with.
Man...I still don't think the question is why did he shoot them, the important question I come back to is what is a guy named CHAI VANG doing in a deer stand in Wisconsin with an SKS? Even if he hadn't just killed six people I'd have to say that's pretty damned suspicious.
An SKS for deer. I wonder how he hunts small game? Claymore mines maybe?
11-19-2004
Net Enigma. You're apologizing for the sex but you're okay with the lying bitch part?
I am so fucking pissed about the shit Terrell Owens and ABC are taking for the skit they ran Monday where Nicollette Sheridan jumped into Owens' arms, apparently, naked.
ABC has apologized if they offended anyone, the NFL apologized saying that's not what the NFL or their fans are about and Tony Dungy said it's racially offensive (I'm so glad we've made progress in this area).
If you ask me, everyone's a fuckin' hypocrite. Watch any NFL game on a Sunday afternoon and what do you get? Cheerleaders, beer commercials and, oh, more beer commercials. And it's not new, shit, when I was at SUNY Tech we drank a lot of Old Milwaukee hoping that the Swedish Bikini Team was going to show up (The didn't but that's for another rant sometime).
It's 2004 and if a woman's back can cause this much of an uproar we are in serious trouble. But what makes it worse is that nobody seems to have a problem with the bombardment of ads for products like feminine douche, tampons, menstrual cramp medication, viagra or any of the myriad of other commercials for medication and such. I couldn't care less if Gold Bond cured your athletes foot or chronic jock itch. I don't want to know what's leaking out of your girlfriend or that this other broad is beating herpes.
If I can't have half naked women you shouldn't get your Cialis and Midol commercials.
Got Spam?
Bill Gates does. About 4 million emails a day according to Steve Ballmer. But don't worry, next time you lay out $500 for your Microsoft Office software be comforted by the fact that you're helping to pay the salary of someone in the DEPARTMENT that sifts through Billy's email for him.
Hot Chick
And I think her gun is bigger than mine. Too bad the fall of the assault weapons ban didn't make it legal for me to have an M203...
11-17-2004
Net Enigma. Don't be afraid to let them keep you for observation.
Heads are rolling
Remember when Arafat died and CBS pissed all over the ending of "CSI: NY?" Well that show replayed last Friday night and I got to see why the boyfriend wiped out the restaurant.
But it didn't end there, CBS shit-canned the tool that inserted the news story into the last 5 minutes of "CSI." Good riddance.
Words that need to go away
"Anywho." I heard this broad at one of our parties use this fucking word all night and I have to tell you, it grates on you after a while.
But now I'm seeing it turn up in forums all the time...I mean, WTF! Is it supposed to make you sound intelligent? "In the know" or something? Well, it doesn't. It makes you sound fake and pretentious when you are truly nothing but a poser and a complete retard. It's not funny and it's not cute.
I call on you to abandon this word....quickly.
Stupid Questions
So I stopped at the bank today to cash a check. I have direct deposit but a change in my pay leaves me with about $18 that isn't accounted for when routing to my bank so I get a check. I need to change this so it goes into my account, but I'm lazy (can't you tell by the sketchy updates and broken promises I give you?).
Anyway, I go up to the girl and hand her my check, already signed, my drivers license and my bank debit card; all the proof she's going to need to give me my pocket money. So she looks over my ID, hands it back and turns to the computer.
The IQ temperature drops by 5 degrees.
"Do you have an account with us," she asks?
"Um. Yeah," I answer as I hold out my bank issued debit card that she just looked at? "I have an account."
"Do you know your account number?"
"No," as I think why would I bother to remember some randomly generated number that only shows up on the bottom of my checks.
"What's your Social Security number?"
I glance over my shoulder to make sure nobody is eavesdropping or hiding in a fake plant with a TV camera. I giver her my number and all the time I'm wondering why it's so hard for her to find me in the computer when she has my check, with my name and address on it, and I've already shown her my drivers license, again with name and address (and a not half bad picture if I do say so), and she's seen my debit card.
"What's your address?"
"100 Graham Road."
"Oh, here you are, found you." She then taps away at some keys on the computer.
Finally, I think, I'm going to get my $18.77 out of this dimwit. But, wait...she's reaching for the cash drawer...
"How would you like that?"
The hell? "Ah. Cash? Green? Silver for the change?"
I get a blank stare then she turns back to the drawer and locates Messrs Hamilton, Lincoln and Washington. The change was easier, three big ones, two little copper colored ones. She took the time to count it out to me, I was glad for that, I wasn't sure by this point if she was really qualified to be there.
As I walked out the door, shaking my head, I had to think about what had just transpired. "How would you like that?" It's eighteen dollars and seventy-seven-fucking-cents. That's a ten a five and three ones. It's not Vegas, I don't need a pocket full of quarters for the slots or a wad of ones for the strip club. I'm also wondering why I need two forms of ID to get my check cashed when it seems as if they don't actually look at it. When I go back to the bank in two weeks for my next fix of green I'm going to hand them two new forms of ID, see if they spot anything wrong; Drivers License and Credit Card.
For Everything Else
11-14-2004
Wholly fuck, O.D.B. is dead!
11-12-2004
Net Enigma. So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in a meat grinder.
Quote of the Day
"Is there an epidemic of vaginal secretions occurring?
I'm just wondering because every second commercial I see on EVERY channel lately is for some tampon, maxipad, femine ordour, period stopping in the pool/pants/panties, yeast infection healing, herpes controlling, something seeping, oozing, growing, stinking out of control malady. It's done everything but attack the family dog from best I can tell"
- Mysterious on the LH Forums
Cover
A Perfect Circle just put out an album of covers and remixes and one of the stand out covers is of John Lennon's "Imagine." If you are a fan of APC this is a good tune. Check it out.
11-11-2004
Net Enigma. Keeping an eye on your girlfriend while she's at college studying art.
Saddened
It's with a heavy heart that I must report the passing of Yasser Arafat. Last night around 10:55 it was announced that he had died in a French military hospital.
I didn't think that'd be that affected by his death, but I found myself staring blankly at the TV screen as I realized that CBS had just interrupted the denouement of "CSI: NY."
I gasped in shock and then invented several new swear words. One that I recall was something to the effect of "whafuckinshitisthis?!"© I followed that up by insulting several CBS news producer's mothers.
I'm sorry, but I mean, you can't wait 3 freakin' minutes? He's the sort-of-president of a population of people that don't even have an officially recognized country. Damnit, I want to know why the boyfriend wiped out the restaurant!
Invasion
Texas State Police, backed by the Amarillo police department and Texas Rangers, began a battle to take back the city of Amarillo today.
The so-called "Redneck Triangle" made up of Amarillo on the north, Lubbock to the south west and Wichita Falls on the east has been under insurgent control for the last 100 years.
"It's about time we got in there and ferreted out this insurrection," stated Ranger Walker from the Ft. Worth Texas Rangers. "These guys have been holed up out there for years. They still think they're an independent country and even with G.W. in the big house, they're not facing facts."
When asked what he thought the police would be up against Ranger Walker repeated that the insurgents would be well armed. "I'm sure they've got some 30-aught-sixes in there, plenty of shotguns, various handguns and with all the salsa and frijoles I'm sure they could cook up some IED's."
Reconnaissance photos smuggled out by undercover State Troopers showed that the rednecks were not only well armed, but also well stocked to weather any siege the police can muster.
11-9-2004
Net Enigma. She's sweet, fantastic...limber.
Today I give you a great set of Hollywood boobs. Freshly minted 18 year old Lindsay Lohan.
Halloween Pictures
Finley finally got around to posting pictures from the party so, enjoy;
Old School
Seems to me that a lot of the current music playing on the radio sounds like shit. There are a few exceptions, but not many. I can take the odd Avril Lavigne song, maybe even some Nickelback or newer bands like Switchfoot or Maroon 5 but I really don't need any more Britney Spears or her ilk.
One thing that I've noticed is a lot of commercials and TV shows using older tunes lately and they're a lot more interesting. I think I'm going to pick up some classic rock; The Who, Led Zeppelin, Yes, trot out the Doors, maybe some older Aerosmith, Metallica before they sucked, Van Halen...Make some room in the rotation for Cash, Tom Waits, Neil Young, Gordon Lightfoot. Everyone needs some CCR, Charlie Daniels Band and Eagles now and then.
And here's a piece of information for all of you that like to listen to the top 40 radio stations; Berlin's version of "Take My Breath Away" is way better than Jessica Simpson's version; The Ataris didn't mangle it but Henley's "Boys of Summer" is a classic and whether Hip Hop is in or not, "Every Breath You Take" and "Heaven" belong to Sting and Adams respectively.
11-9-2004
Net Enigma. I think it, I say it. It's my way
The 2004 winner of the Worst Hollywood Boob Job is Tara Reid!
But to make things even more hilarious, in this IMDB report from 11/8 Tara wants to try and revamp her image as a "retard." She's quoted as saying that Paris Hilton is a role model for her because she's been able to overcome her bad image (she has?).
Hmm...let us look at Tara Reid; Stared in two American Pie movies, Van Wilder, Josie and the Pussycats, was engaged to Carson Daly, fell out of her dress at P. Diddy's birthday bash and looks up to Paris Hilton? Nope, no reasons here to look like a retard.
Look on the bright side Tara; No matter how bad things seem to be for you, you still aren't Shannen Doherty.
November
Welcome to November in upstate New York.
11-4-2004
Net Enigma. Your track record for the truth is unimpressive.
Well, the big news is, four more years. I'm not even going to discuss it. But, let's see how well off you are in another 4 years and then come back and tell me if it was worth it.
Halloween
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Halloween 2004 was a resounding success. Plenty of beer, liquor and food was consumed, plenty of cleavage was shown and everything after 4:00am Sunday is a big hazy mess.
When do we do it again?
The surprise of the night was seeing Seth and his brother Aaron. I wasn't sure if either were coming but both did. There was probably 20 people or so with about everyone showing up in costume. I'm shipping my pictures to Finley and he'll have a page up pretty quick so I'll have a link when that's done.
Scariness
Friday night we went to the movies for SAW. This Halloween thriller was one brilliant movie from front to back. After leaving the theater I wasn't quite sure how to take it but after digesting it for the weekend I'm left impressed.
The movie kicks off with us finding Dr. Lawrence Gordon and Adam chained to pipes in an abandoned bathroom. As the plot unfolds they discover that they have been placed there by a psychotic killer known as Jigsaw. Jigsaw has left them clues about how to escape from their prison and that there will be consequences for not following his instructions.
This is Jigsaw's twisted way of forcing people to recognize how to live life, even if they need to kill someone else to reach that end.
Some would say that this film was full of no-name actors but any film buff would easily recognize half the major players; Danny Glover as a cop chasing Jigsaw, Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride) as Dr. Gordon, Shawnee Smith ("Becker", "The Stand"), Monica Potter (Con Air, Along Came a Spider), Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers) and possibly even Leigh Whannell as Adam. Whannell, who was in The Matrix Reloaded, is also the co-writer of the film along with his buddy James Wan who directed.
Amazingly enough, this was their writing debut and Wan's directorial debut. Look for great things from both of them.
The twists in the plot keep you guessing the identity of Jigsaw as we learn the story, in flashback, of Dr. Gordon and Adam. Interspersed with their story we follow Glover's Detective Tapp and his partner as they expose us to Jigsaw's other victims. The creativity for the situations that these others are placed in is incredible. It takes a sick person to come up with this stuff...and I mean that in a good way.
Jigsaw's big-bad in this film gives plenty of scary, jump-out-of-the-dark-closet moments but imagination of the viewer, filling in the details of his various victims situations, is much worse. It'll keep you up at night, at least it did me. And I'm now looking into incorporating a reverse bear trap into next Halloween's costume.
I refuse to give away any details on this movie because to do so would spoil it for the first time viewer. If you like thrillers you need to see this film. I'm not even a huge fan of the genre but I loved it and will be picking it up when it hit's DVD. I'll give this film a solid 4 wheels of cheddar out of 4. This is not the type of film that usually shows up on the radar of the Academy at Oscar time but it should. The writing and directing in this film is top notch.
On a side note; the forum rats on the IMDB.com message boards are absolutely the most obnoxious, misinformed, childish posters I have ever had the displeasure of reading. Not only can they NOT sum up a movie they just viewed, they can not form complete sentences to get their incorrect point across. A greater collection of bitter film school dropouts shall never be found. I'm much dumber for having read even part of the topics for SAW. Avoid the IMDB.com message boards at all costs.
Blanket?
Afghan, that's a blanket, right? Oh, you meant Afghanistan. I hear my cousin is just back from some top secret job over there. I'm sure he'll be happy to know I'm posting it on the Internet. But I'M happy to know he came home in one piece...even if I didn't know he'd gone till he got back.
11-2-2004
Net Enigma. I left my liver in Philly.
Okay, I have a ton of crap that I need to get up; movie review, Halloween party pictures and recap and some other things, but what I'm posting today is this:
Get your ass to the polls and vote in the election!
That's right, boys and girls, today is election day. If you are reading this then you aren't out voting, so get off your ass and go do it! Then come back and talk about it in the forums if you wish.
I'll update tomorrow with the stuff I mentioned above, plus some other stuff