News Archive - November 2005

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11-29-2005

Dude, what kind of people are you hanging out with?

Apparently a bunch of guys in suits, and some even wearing bow ties, vandalized a couple liquor stores in California last week.  Then yesterday one of them got torched.

Right off the bat the police think Nation of Islam because of how they were dressed but I have another theory.  NBA players.  That's right, remember that new dress code?  Yeah.  I think it was NBA players.

But, either way, Muslim owned convenience store, Nation of Islam...Ah, the irony.

And speaking of...

Irony, this week at Target the first 2 seasons of MTV's "Newlyweds" is on sale.  "Newlyweds," for the pop culture ignorant, features Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey in the first two years of their marriage. 

Since they just announced their breakup last week, I'm expecting the next release will be "Newly Divorced" and it'll be a reality dating show where young MTV viewers can vie for a date with the separated couple. 

But Nick, you're going to be much better off without her.  Seriously, maybe your career isn't as hot as hers is right now, but you're not an idiot, you'll be okay. 

Especially after that sex tape "accidentally" gets left out where the neighbor of the cousin of the friend of the son of the immigrant cleaning lady stumbles across it while he's over at the house one afternoon.

11-23-2005

So, basically I'm just the unluckiest bastard this week.

Fucking ridiculous

It appears that Pete Rose isn't going to get into the Hall of Fame.  This next ballot will be the final one that he'd have been eligible for if he hadn't suffered the lifetime ban for gambling.

The way I see it is this; Pete Rose gambled and that was wrong, but it's not banned-from-the-Hall bad.  Shit, even though it may have been against MLB rules, it probably wasn't even illegal...and he bet on his own team!

But what makes it worse is that until last week, testing positive for steroids wasn't even a lifetime ban offense!  Steroids are fucking illegal!  Not just by MLB rules but go-to-jail illegal.  Gimme a break.

Ron Artest breaks a foot off in the ass of some punk fan last season and doesn't get a lifetime ban from the NBA.  Half the Dallas Cowboys were in trouble for coke and whores in the mid '90's and never suffered a career-ending suspension.  Why should Rose get the shaft for some gambling?

Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame.  There isn't even an argument against that fact anymore.

Bud Selig, get off your ass, revoke his suspension and get him on a ballot for the Hall

Advent Calendar

Next week is the beginning of December already.  Can you believe that shit?  Anyway, that means it's time for the annual Advent Calendar of Porn.  Tune in starting December 1st and unwrap some big, fat titties.

11-18-2005

I may be the worst human being you'll meet your entire life. Enjoy.

Americans are irate, racist, rude elitists that have no respect for the call center workers they ask for help.

Yeah?  What's your point?

When a country is responsible for stealing thousands, if not millions, of jobs from our citizens you're gonna have to expect a little anger.  When I call for tech support and get "Johnny" Gupta on the phone, more often than not, I know that I'm not going to get any help.  Actually, I don't usually get help anyway but that's another rant...

Besides, "Johnny," your real name is probably something like Anathakrishnan.  When you start off the conversation with a lie it can't be a good thing. 

But, if you can't handle the stress of doing tech support over there feel free to send those jobs back to the US.  I mean, it's way more fun to yell at tech support when they can actually understand the insults.

11-17-2005

Mark me down as skeptical.

Followup

It appears that the bridge to nowhere in Alaska may have become, as the kids say, defunded.  Unfortunately that doesn't mean the money is getting back into our pockets.

It'll probably still make it into the Alaskan state budget.  Maybe they'll use it to catch some salmon and roast a moose.

11-16-2005

Intended only for mature viewers.

WTF?

Okay, this is fucking stupid.  This broad, Rep. Cynthia McKinney, is introducing a bill into the House that's called the "Tupac Amaru Shakur Records Collection Act of 2005."  Basically the bill is asking for all records that may relate to Tupac and his murder.

You know, Ms. McKinney, how about you introduce a bill into the House titled "Get Yo Bitch Ass in the Kitchen and Bake Me Some Pie Act of STFU."

Do something useful with your life.

Holy shit

Okay, no matter if you have health insurance or not you can no longer complain about substandard service in a hospital in the US again.

11-9-2005

You'd be surprised what you can find with a few nimble keystrokes.

In the interest of satisfying my readers (I hear I'm up to 3 now.  w00t!) I have scoured the Carolina Panthers cheerleader page to bring you pictures of Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley. 

Although their bio pages have been removed from the web site, they are still pictured in the group shot.  I'm sure much better pictures of them will be available, especially if they take Penthouse up on their offer.

Is it bigger than a babies arm?

Yes.  Yes it is.  And now you can listen to BCB talk all about it in his new podcast that he puts out with his wife, Robyn.

I can't tell you if the show is actually any good because I can't be bothered to listen to it.  But, it's Brian.  I'm sure it's funny...and broads probably get naked.

11-8-2005

Now that's just downright unsettlin'.

Apparently there are modern day pirates and they're attacking cruise ships off the coast of Somalia.

In other news

Tourists would actually choose to go on a vacation cruise in Somalia.

What the?

Apparently the French have been rioting for 11 days following the beating of Rodney...no, wait, that's not right. 

Let's try that again; they've been rioting since a couple guys, who weren't actually being chased, ran from police and died when they hid out in a power station.  The riots have steadily been growing with vehicles and buildings being set on fire.

The fact that many of those rioting are African Muslims adds to the irony that France wanted nothing to do with the war in Iraq...  I think I'd have rather gone and invaded someone elses country instead of letting violence in the front door.

But, this is France, after all.  It can't go on much longer, someone's due to surrender any time now...

Fantasy fulfilled

Every (straight) man in America has dreamed of walking in on the hot cheerleaders having sex in the locker room after the game.  Locker room, bathroom...locker room, bathroom...Bah, what's the difference.

I was trying to get pictures of the two women, Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley from the Panther's web site but it's apparently down.